A Little Scary

I’ve been experiencing high blood pressure.  130/90 high.  High enough that if  I can’t get it to come down through will power and good behavior, we need to talk about blood pressure meds.  High enough that I’m starting to wonder if I’ll have to deliver in the US.

It is absolutely impossible for me NOT to take this to the worst possible scenario, which is pre-e and a micro preemie.  If that were to happen, both of us have the best chance at survival in the US.

So it comes down to

  • At what point do we make the call
  • What point is it too late to make the call

 

This just sucks.  There doesn’t feel like there is a good solution here.  Being in the US means living with my in-laws for an extended period of time (which would be stressful and not great for my blood pressure), separating Ravi and Elanor, and Ravi missing out on the new baby’s first month(s) of life.  Staying here feels like it might mean risking my and Wheelie’s life.

I hate this.  I’ve been in pregnancy induced tears all day since I finally accepted that it’s not a bad bp cuff or white coat phobia and is a real problem that I need to face.

It feels so fucking unfair.  I had a shit pregnancy with E and puked my guts up from week 7 until she was out.  I dealt with diabetes.  My kid almost died at a week of age.  You’d think the universe would cut me some slack this time around.  I haven’t actually puked yet.  But high blood pressure?  Having to make hard calls like separating my family or not?  Seriously, universe.  Give me a fucking break!

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4 Responses to A Little Scary

  1. Rachel M. says:

    Stop it! I know it sucks – but just grit your teeth and get through this time! It will probably not go as planned, but worrying, fretting will not make it any better. I want to see you cheer up damn it.

    I’m not happy about leaving my kids in TX for 2 weeks, but you know what, they are having fun with their grandparents and that’s okay. They are away from myself and their father. I know, 2 weeks is not what you’ve described but you WILL survive as a family. Just do what’s best for the new little one and do NOT second guess yourself.

    Hope my pep talk doesn’t offend. Seriously, I want to see you cheer up because it will support your overall mood. And my I suggest yoga to calm down, it will do wonders for your entire health.

  2. Rachel M. says:

    And one more thing, where is that tough girl I see fighting for womens rights? The rights of all people suffering? Well right now you are the one suffering and I want to see you fight for you. Give it everything you got! Lecture your body on how you expect it to behave and treat yourself well.

    And please stop worrying about what all this will do to E. Children are extremely resilient, it will be good training for her to learn the entire world doesn’t revolve around her whims.

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