I can’t shop

I have gone into numerous baby stores in the past 10 days or so, since I learned I was pregnant again.  My intention has been to buy something small…a blanket, a hat, a unisex onesie…for the new baby.  Each time I’ve gone to pick something up…I’ve stopped, and put it back down.

I can’t shop.

Which is somewhat ridiculous as I already bought the baby some stuff back in November when they were nothing more than a hope in my eye and an impossibility in my uterus, as the Mirena was still in.

I think it’s that I haven’t seen them on a u/s screen yet…that both times we’ve gone to look, it’s been too early.  But that means that they’re just not that real to me yet.  That they’re a delightful possibility.  But not necessarily something that will happen.

Elanor, I can shop for.  I’ve gotten her a dvd and several books about becoming a big sibling.  (Side note…anyone know of a book about getting a new baby bro/sis that isn’t all “I hate the new baby?”)

I even let her pick out a hat to buy the new baby yesterday, even I was filled with ambivalence.  Only the fact that I’d told her she was picking something out for her baby brother or sister kept me from laying it down and walking out of another store empty handed.

All I know is that next week’s appointment can’t get here soon enough.  We will see something if they are okay, and if we don’t, I’ll know.

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