WTF, uterus?

Warning…we’re going to get all kinds of graphic here, so buckle up.

I know the general length of my periods and the general day I ovulate on.  Being an anal retentive sort of girl, I use a period tracker app to forecast when I “should” be ovulating and when I “should” get my period.  Of course, having only had one real period since giving birth with Elanor (the pre-D&C hemorraghe doesn’t entirely count…) I’m basing all of this on what my period used to look like pre-Elanor.  Which is a bit of a crap shoot.

Post D&C, the forecasting seemed fairly accurate.  I had a 34/35 day cycle with ovulation around day 21/22.  My sex drive seemed to corroborate this, as did the cramping and the bleeding.

I felt fairly confident going into this cycle that I knew when I was likely to ovulate and get my period and tried to plan accordingly.  However, Ravi got sick around my “predicted” ovulation date, and we only had sex twice in the theoretical window.  Which was fine as I felt kind of ambivalent about being pregnant this month anyways.

The odd thing was that my sex drive, which usually revs into overdrive around ovulation didn’t really line up with my predicted ovulation.  It happened something like a week-week and a half later.  Which was fine…Ravi was healthy, we had some great “practice” sex.

I was quite happy that my period wasn’t due until the day after we returned from Hong Kong.  I took some supplies in case it came early, but was thrilled when nothing happened.

For kicks I took a pregnancy test on Wednesday morning because I was totally asymptomatic for my period.  Or rather, what I’ve felt on and off was fairly inconclusive.

Not pregnant.

Okay, fine…a bit sad, but not a huge deal.

Days pass.

Friday I had to go in and get a final x-ray on my broken ankle.  As I hadn’t gotten my period yet (and was 2-3 days late) I took another test.

Not pregnant.

I’d had a few days of feeling a little flu-like, and being sleepy, so I was a little surprised (as I spent my first trimester–when not puking–unconscious with E).  Starting to feel a bit cranky about this.  If I’m not pregnant, let’s get on with the goddamn period.

Considering my late sex drive, I supposed that there is a small (microscopic, but not non-existent) chance that I might be pregnant, so I warned the X-ray tech and did a double layer of lead apron over my abdomen to be as safe as I could.  As this was the final x-ray, it really wasn’t “optional.”

Yesterday…again with the sleeping a huge chunk of the day, not sleeping at night.

Occasional twinges, but no real cramps.

One could argue that if my sex drive accurately predicted ovulation, then my earliest shot at an hcg level that would set off a pregnancy test is around March 1 or 2…(side note…my positive with E was on March 2, 2008).

So here I sit, confused as hell about what’s going on in my body.

My gut instinct is that I’m not pregnant, and my body (as it most definitely has in the past) is fucking with me.  In that case, I just want my period to arrive so we can get on with the trying again next month, Christmas baby or not.

However, part of me is wondering if I did get pregnant, but am dealing with a “missed abortion” (a fertilized embryo where something went wrong, and for whatever reason the body hasn’t expelled it naturally).

A very small part of me is praying for a positive test next week.  Part of me wants to enjoy the fantasy (even as I’m terrified that my blood sugar has been really hard to control…which raises the likelihood of a miscarriage).

Mostly though, I want to grab my uterus and ask it “WTF, dude?”

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2 Responses to WTF, uterus?

  1. Rachel M. says:

    Yeah this happened to me, I was so convinced I was actually pregnant even though the test was negative and I did finally get my period. I’m wondering if once we’ve had a successful pregnancy if the mind goes into “mental pregnancy” mode. Weird – I’m not remotely good at science but it seems if one has a memory it should be possible to recreate that memory even if not based in reality. Probably not making sense, tired and jet lagged.

  2. Rachel M. says:

    Oh but we did manage to get it right the following month – hence Sam, so keep trying!

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