Clarity

I’d like to take a moment to thank Rachel, Saffy, and Aimee for their contributions directly and indirectly over the past few weeks as I’ve been struggling with questions of identity, work, and dissatisfaction.  Either through our conversations, posts they’ve written expressing their own struggle (or not) surrounding decisions about work, and email, you guys have really helped find some clarity…and peace with where I am in my life.

The bottom line is that I’m not going to go back to any sort of out-of-the-home work until kid #2 is around a year old, which is in the ballpark of 3 years from now.

While we’re here in Singapore, I would like to work outside the home, but not to the point where I’d be willing to give up the month-long visit back in the US twice a year that I plan to take, or the other vacations Ravi would like.  We’ll have some guests and I want to be able to be available to hang out with them when they do visit.  In about a year, we’ll be working on getting pregnant.  Pregnancy is a full time job for me, and I may want to spend some of it (the last trimester most likely) in the US depending on how challenging this pregnancy is.  Once Siblet is born, I’d like to be home to bf for the first year.

When Siblet is one, going back to school (assuming we’re not still in Singapore) or working part/full time (if we are still in Singapore) is on the table.

Having really thought through the logistics, the sacrifices, and the compromises…I feel a lot more at peace with where I am right now.

I can also say that in five years I see myself working full time or finishing up a degree.

So what to do with myself in the meantime?  Volunteering is an option.  Pursuing my writing and photography more seriously, as well as making a point to enjoy experimenting with cooking are also going to be focuses.  Instead of focusing on what I don’t have right now…it makes sense to enjoy the luxury of live-in help while I have it (we certainly won’t back in the US or if we do the UK after Singapore).  With two children, I’ll certainly have even less time to do photography (except of them), to write, and complex recipes won’t be on the menu for quite some time.

But most importantly, I’m going to think long and hard about what I want to do when I grow up.  What types of work do I want to do?  Does that require another degree?  If so, what schools/programs would I want to attend?  Do I need to take the GRE (my scores are more than 5 years old)?  If so, I’ll need to do some studying (especially in math)!

Ladies, your help has really made a difference….thank you.  I feel very lucky to have each of you in my life, and your different perspectives and paths in life have helped me think long and hard about mine.  Your lack of judgment created a space that made me feel safe being honest in ways that were a little scary.  You’re awesome.

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3 Responses to Clarity

  1. Rachel M says:

    I’m glad I can help in some small way!!

  2. Thanks so much for your comment on my blog – glad I showed up in the blogroll!

    I’ve been reading your posts and I get it…is there something you could do a few hours a week (enough so you feel plugged in but not so much that it REALLY starts to feel like work) to do with teaching English to adults?

    I love Singapore – went once and it’s on my list to go back again. So organised and efficient!

    • Crystal says:

      Teaching English to adults is certainly not out of the question. I’ve been keeping one eye on craigslist to see what’s popping up over there.

      Also, I’ve signed up for a photography course!

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