How to ruin a pediatrician’s day

1-Give birth to a highly medical child

2-Build trust with a specific team of doctors over the course of a year and a half

3-Move halfway across the world

4-Get a pedi recommendation from another mom

5-Call pedi’s office and make appointment for something innocuous, like…diaper rash…but warn them that your child is a new patient and has an extensive medical history that will require a LOT of time of the part of the pedi.

6-Pedi’s staff disregards everything you say after “diaper rash”

7-Show up for doctor’s appointment

8-Walk into dr’s office and hit the unsuspecting pediatrician with….

  • 8b-Put a 350+ page document on the table and say “this isn’t my child’s medical file; it’s the abstract of her medical file”
  • 8c-Hand him 10+ cd-roms and say “these are copies of all of the imaging done from birth onwards”
  • 8d-Spend 15 minutes walking him through your child’s medical history through present day
  • 8e-Outline various sub-specialists your child has seen, hand him final letters from each doctor summarizing her care and recommending future action regarding child’s case
  • 8f-Explain what “early intervention” in the US entails and hand him her final assessment from them

9-Bonus points if

  • any of the dr’s you mention are “bfd” names
  • any of the sub-specialties your child sees are ones that they don’t have in that country
  • you manage to actually use the phrase “trust issues” with regards to new drs
  • you make a point of saying you still have all your old docs on speed dial and aren’t afraid of getting an over-the-phone second opinion
  • EXTRA SPECIAL bonus points if this is a country where docs aren’t used to being questioned
  • EXTRA EXTRA SPECIAL bonus points if you have handled your child’s special needs radically differently than would be in your new country

10-See dr’s eyes widen

11-Have doctor step outside and pawn upcoming appointments off on his colleagues, wait patiently as he sees the two cases he can’t pawn off before continuing with you

12-Have doctor take copious notes

13-Doctor then must explain country’s entire medical system to you

14-Go and make a photocopy of the 350+ page document for the pedi to read over the next few days so that he can make appropriate referrals and write letters to the referrals and specify what parts of the giant document each specialist will need

15-After two hours (when a “long appointment” in this country is 20 minutes) of face time (4 once you build in time to have gone over shot record with his nurse, filled out paperwork, gotten documents photocopied and walked back to the office to drop off a copy and let other patients be seen) leave with a cream for the diaper rash (the real reason you were there) and local versions of Tylenol and Benadryl because the US has just recalled all your infant medication 24 hours earlier.

Fin.

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2 Responses to How to ruin a pediatrician’s day

  1. Saffy says:

    Sigh >:D<

    So what DID you think of the pedi? Or is still far too early days to make that call?

    I get the having the number on speed dial and not being afraid to use it. I've done that even here, when I've moved cities, and have been lumbered with an endo that I think is going to be crap. And that's just basic me, as an adult, let alone lil young E.

    Hope you're settling in nicely 🙂

  2. Joshua Ledwell says:

    I’ve had some doctors look wide-eyed and desperate when they hear my history. If that’s the reaction you got, you might seek a more confident pedi for Elanor.

    But if he didn’t look too panicked or overwhelmed, you’re probably ok. 🙂

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