I’ve been thinking about a lot of things lately.
Since Elanor, our sex life has taken a hit, which is apparently normal. In fact, there are studies that say that parents of young children are the least happy with their sex lives.
I genuinely haven’t enjoyed pregnancy. My miscarriage was long and painful, and Elanor’s pregnancy is most remembered as a combination of needle jabs (checking my blood sugar, giving myself injections) and puking (from week 7 through delivery even with meds).
Ravi and I do genuinely want two kids. We’re both only children and know first-hand about the struggles of only children. As an only child it becomes more “normal” to socialize with adults than it is with your peer group, making it more challenging to deal with your peer group. As an only child, you are the only target of your parent’s attention and their hopes and dreams…which can be sort of like being the proverbial ant under the magnifying glass. As an only child, you also bear the sole responsibility for your parents in their old age. We don’t want to put that kind of pressure on Elanor.
While this is hard to say, I prefer older kids to younger ones. I adore Elanor, and watching her grow and develop is exciting, but I think I’ll enjoy her even more when she is old enough to have conversations with. Hanging out with a toddler isn’t always all that stimulating.
With the move (wherever it may be to) one of the things I have to think about is what I want to keep, what I want to donate and what I want to toss. We’re currently holding onto all of E’s stuff, and it accumlates pretty quickly between the gear, toys, and clothes she’s outgrown.
Every time we talk about something like taking Elanor to Disney World when she’s 5 or something, it occurs to me that even though she’ll be old enough for a personal dvd player on the plane, I’ll be dealing with a different toddler’s stroller, diapers, and other nonsense. And the idea of that makes me feel tired, not in awe.
So, with all of that in mind….
Is it better to just “get childbearing over with” or to put the longer space between kids that we had considered “ideal” in terms of spacing out college funds, having E be old enough to go to pre-school so I can have time alone with the siblet, and stuff like that?
A move to Singapore would obviously put off a baby for at least a year while we did the move, settled in, and figured out our lives. But a local move doesn’t prohibit starting whenever we feel like it (plus/minus stuff like weaning off my mood stabilizers, doing 3 months of folic acid/prenatals prep, getting my IUD out, and talking to my endocrinologist about being prepared for what will most likely happen to my blood sugar as soon as I get knocked up).
What do you think and why?