Informal poll question…

I’ve been thinking about a lot of things lately.

Since Elanor, our sex life has taken a hit, which is apparently normal.  In fact, there are studies that say that parents of young children are the least happy with their sex lives.

I genuinely haven’t enjoyed pregnancy.  My miscarriage was long and painful, and Elanor’s pregnancy is most remembered as a combination of needle jabs (checking my blood sugar, giving myself injections) and puking (from week 7 through delivery even with meds).

Ravi and I do genuinely want two kids.  We’re both only children and know first-hand about the struggles of only children.  As an only child it becomes more “normal” to socialize with adults than it is with your peer group, making it more challenging to deal with your peer group.  As an only child, you are the only target of your parent’s attention and their hopes and dreams…which can be sort of like being the proverbial ant under the magnifying glass.  As an only child, you also bear the sole responsibility for your parents in their old age.  We don’t want to put that kind of pressure on Elanor.

While this is hard to say, I prefer older kids to younger ones.  I adore Elanor, and watching her grow and develop is exciting, but I think I’ll enjoy her even more when she is old enough to have conversations with.  Hanging out with a toddler isn’t always all that stimulating.

With the move (wherever it may be to) one of the things I have to think about is what I want to keep, what I want to donate and what I want to toss.  We’re currently holding onto all of E’s stuff, and it accumlates pretty quickly between the gear, toys, and clothes she’s outgrown.

Every time we talk about something like taking Elanor to Disney World when she’s 5 or something, it occurs to me that even though she’ll be old enough for a personal dvd player on the plane, I’ll be dealing with a different toddler’s stroller, diapers, and other nonsense.  And the idea of that makes me feel tired, not in awe.

So, with all of that in mind….

Is it better to just “get childbearing over with” or to put the longer space between kids that we had considered “ideal” in terms of spacing out college funds, having E be old enough to go to pre-school so I can have time alone with the siblet, and stuff like that?

A move to Singapore would obviously put off a baby for at least a year while we did the move, settled in, and figured out our lives.  But a local move doesn’t prohibit starting whenever we feel like it (plus/minus stuff like weaning off my mood stabilizers, doing 3 months of folic acid/prenatals prep, getting my IUD out, and talking to my endocrinologist about being prepared for what will most likely happen to my blood sugar as soon as I get knocked up).

What do you think and why?

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4 Responses to Informal poll question…

  1. saffy says:

    Siblet – love it.

    Wow, that whole move business is pushing you towards a decision huh? I’m guessing all Elmo stuff would be safe :p hehehe.

    Your points about single kids are along the same lines as what’s driving us to think about another one – and the associated needles and puking 😉

    If I was in my 30s and was likely to have textbook healthy pregnancies, I’d probably knock them out very close together. That way I could be off work and enjoying them together. So I guess that comes down to financials (and a bit of sanity there too because I do miss adult company).

    However, with my slightly broken body I think spacing and planning is key. So D was born in August and in the idea world I think we’d probably start trying again around her 1st birthday. BUT like you there’s all that ‘prep work’ first – probably, realistically 6 months worth. So I should be thinking about it now? Hmmm. The insulin pump is step 1 but the endo’s out of the country til next Feb. So I’ve put ‘feelers’ out with the medical team and I guess closer to Feb they’ll drag me in to get us sorted.

    I’ve rambled. Sorry. I think BOTH options have their merits – but don’t do a huge gap if you want the kids to be close – well that’s my experience anyway. I have a brother 10 years younger and we have nothing in common except genetics. I left home when he was a whipper snapper and haven’t lived in the same city since. For those years that I was at home with him I was a permanent baby sitter (perhaps a bonus for you to consider?) – but it was like being an only child with a child, if that makes sense?

    Sounds like some exciting times coming up at your place 🙂

  2. Taking a Chance on Baby says:

    Where our future is in flux it does make me think about stuff like Siblet.

    I think if we stay we’ll wait a year or two to start trying, but if we end up in Singapore, it will probably be this fall.

    It’s hard because I’m kind of ambivalent. I don’t have baby fever like some of my friends, but I know the longer I wait the less likely I’ll be to want to deal with all this baby stuff all over again. On the other hand, I do want to experience a non-medicalized kid and I want to try to breastfeed (although I’ll still probably have issues with supply–thanks diabetic pregnancy) for real.


  3. saffy says:

    I know you probably don’t want to be asked this…. BUT…. any word on Option 1 yet? Did you get the answer you needed?

    Baby fever – hmmmm – I don’t actually think everyone experiences that 😉 And BFing – yeah that’s an attraction of having another one – but not the only attraction. I’d actually like to be awake for a delivery – 2/2 I’ve been asleep for – so maybe 1/3 I could be part of? Don’t want to get my hopes up tho 😉

    When’s fall? September? I bet I sound thick to anyone reading this.

    • Taking a Chance on Baby says:

      LOL…yeah, fall (at least here) is like September/October.

      No word yet, but we have news that they’re working towards an answer. Fingers crossed.

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