If you’ve been watching the tweets, you’ll know that I’m sick.
I haven’t been this sick since the baby…possibly in years.
I am sick enough that I sent Elanor to her grandparent’s house on Tuesday, and have kept extending it. Overnight Tuesday. Wednesday. Tonight. Most likely tomorrow. Not because I just feel crappy-I’ve spent plenty of days with her doing low key stuff while I popped aspirin or whatever. Rather, I’ve exiled her because I can barely stay awake for more than an hour at a time. Because I have such vertigo that even leaning over to pick my phone off my bedside table sends a wave of dizziness through me. When the (false) fire alarm went off, I was walking down the hall of my floor and I kept walking into the wall; I literally can not walk a straight line right now. The honest truth is that I could not take care of her–picking her up, dealing with her always wriggly diaper changes, making sure she gets her medications, making sure she’s fed, making sure she isn’t into something unsafe–I can’t do it.
And Ravi is sick too. Granted, he’s kind of at the feeling crappy not a lot of ability to deal with stuff stage, so he’s been taking care of me, but he is in no shape to handle Ella either.
So she is at her grandparents house.
I miss her so much I’m crying over it. I’m scared that she thinks I’ve abandoned her. That I don’t love her anymore.
Ravi went over to visit with her today and while I’m glad she has one of us, I’m just so upset that I can’t be there too.
I know I’m not coherent right now…but I’m sick, and I miss my baby, and part of me just wants my mommy