Elanor had an accident yesterday. The three of us are doing the AIDS walk here in Boston as a team, and yesterday we were at a grocery store manning a table to raise money for our team. Elanor was sitting on the table, Ravi was making a bottle, and wind kicked up so papers went flying. I took my hand off Elanor to grab them thinking what a sturdy sitter she is.
Ravi and I both glance up at the same time and see Elanor laying down and dissappearing over the edge of the table…onto the concrete pavement.
My heart just stopped…
We both ran around the table, and of course Elanor was screaming. I picked her up and tried to calm her down, while Ravi got immediately on the phone and had the pedi neurologist on call at the hospital paged. (Because of her stroke and her mild bleeding disorder, that’s what we’re under instructions to do anytime Elanor has a fall and hits her head…we didn’t see how she landed, but had to assume her head hit the pavement).
An old woman walked by, having seen it all, and just gave me a horrible look and shook her head. I was already beating myself up and that sent me into tears right along with Elanor.
I fed her the bottle Ravi had been making as we waiting for the neurologist on call to call us back. Ironically the neurologist on call is a mom in my mommy and me group…great. She offered to have me speak to someone else, but I was more worried about E than looking bad to a mom in my group so I talked to her.
We had to take Elanor to the ER to get a head CT scan.
Luckily it came back negative for head trauma or injury, and Elanor was acting normally the whole time. But Ravi and I had to wake her every two hours last night. We took shifts with her, just like we did when she was a newborn.
She’s totally herself…not even a scratch on her…but I’m still shaking inside. I know I have to forgive myself, and that accidents happen, but I still feel like shit and still furious with myself.