You are one month old today. I am so happy that you are finally healthy, and home.
I feel as though I can’t say much about your first month except that I have never been so scared for someone, or so uncaring about what was going on outside one room. I feel as though I’ve emerged from a cocoon, and it’s hard to believe that Christmas is only 3 weeks away.
There are other places where I have talked at length about your hospitalization. I can’t bring myself to talk about the hospitalization…it’s just too hard and too scary. Every time I think about it, I can’t help but cry because it was just so awful. I can’t express how relieved I am that you are doing a million times better.
I CAN talk about the 4 days we’ve had since you’ve been home.
You discovered your tongue and have been sticking it out at us, making us laugh in delight.
You are a cuddler. Your daddy and I love to snuggled with you, and you seem completely content to snuggled against us as you sleep.
In the last few days we’ve seen a few genuine smiles from you. I only wish I could provoke one on a regular basis, because the energy your smiles evoke in me could light up a city for a month. I could go without sleep for years if you would just keep smiling.
I have taken tons of pictures of you, and my favorite shot is one of your daddy leaning over to kiss your forehead. I also love the shot of you and your giant Winnie the Pooh.
Your great aunt is staying with us and has helped us immeasurably by staying up with you at night. You, by the way, seem to think that night is day and day is night. You cluster feed and like to stay awake all night, and are a heavy sleeper all day. It’s hard to wake you up as we are trying to fix this day/night inversion, but with no luck as of yet. As your daddy and I are big believers in sleep, that your great aunt is willing to stay up all night is a godsend.
We started you with Seventh Generation Diapers. However, you’ve had giant poops that escaped on a regular basis, so we are road testing Huggies and Pampers to see if either of those brands fit you better. You also seemed to have a diaper rash with Seventh Generation, and it cleared up after we started you on Pampers. I’m not sure if it’s a coincidence or not, but it works, so we will probably not return to 7th Generation at all.
I’ve had a few bad moments. We gave you a bath on your first night home and I just didn’t think to warm the bathroom first, so you were freezing by the end. I was in tears as I cuddled you in multiple layers of blankets, trying to warm you back up. I had never felt so stupid or incompetant. Later that night, I was changing your diaper just as you started to poop, and when it came out looking rather liquidy, I rushed to take your temperature and call the doctor as I was terrified you were coming down the GI bug that had kicked your Daddy’s and my asses earlier that week.
It’s hard to trust my own judgment at the moment, but I’m gaining a little more confidence each day, especially as more and more doctors sign off on your continuing good health.
Speaking of your health. You are on a blood pressure medicine called Labatelol. Your nephrologist is hoping to wean you over the next two weeks to two months. Until you do, you’ll have a home nurse visit our house a few times a week to check your blood pressure and your weight. You currently weigh about 7 pounds, which is up from a low of 5 pounds 14 ounces and your birth weight of 6 pounds 11 ounces.
You are eating like a horse. To the tune of out eating my breast milk production in the neighborhood of 6-7 ounces a day. I am taking Reglan to try and boost my supply, but I am definitely concerned. We will see how things pan out, but I will continue to give you breast milk and then if I need to supplement, I will try to keep things in perspective; namely that giving you formula does not negate the good done by the breast milk I am capable of making.
You are currently not breast feeding though. We have to fortify the milk you’re drinking with formula for calories to help you gain weight. As you do gain weight we’ll be able to cut out the formula and move you back (well, to…as you’ve never really been a regular breastfed baby) to the breast. Right now I can offer you the breast here and there, and you take it about half of the time. I am optimistic that we will figure things out.
You are absolutely adorable and all of us are wrapped around your little teeny fingers. You have a ton of nicknames already including Turtle (the little turtle face you make where you suck in your lower lip and your top lip points down looking like a snapping turtle’s bill), love bug, muffin, and munchkin.
I love every day with you, and every day the first thing I want to do when I get up is cuddle you and co-parent you.