My baby is literally fighting for her life right now.
The very short version…she came home last Thursday and over the weekend started being more and more lethargic. Sunday into Monday she stopped eating and having a suck reflex. We went to the pediatrician first thing on Monday and were sent to the Emergency Room.
I discovered a new circle of hell Monday when my daughter hovered between life and death. We witnessed doctors trying to IV her in her head when they couldn’t in her arms or legs. When that didn’t work, we saw them drill holes into her bones because apparently that’s the next thing to do. We saw huge crowds of doctors working and shouting out orders. Once she was stable enough she moved to the Pediatric Intensive Care Unit. No one would say if she would live or die.
Tuesday she was much better and it seemed like it was just about figuring out which infection had made her sick and that it was just the right course of drugs and then she’d be home.
Today things haven’t gone well. First one of the holes they drilled into her bone on Monday got infected (the irony of a baby with an infection getting an infection is not lost on me), and then worst of all is that they found bleeding on her brain.
We are back to no one being willing to say if she’ll live or die.
I hate this.
It puts everything into context…the unimportance of worrying about kindergarten, whether her jacket was pink or blue, and whether she ever accepted the breast.
I’m pumping because it’s all I can do.
I’ve never felt so helpless or scared in my whole life.