I’m already scared of PPD

As someone who has struggled with depression all of her life, who has been on anti-depressants at least 3 of the past 10 years, post partum depression is a very real sword of damocles hanging over my head.  Women who have a history of depression are 27 times more likely to suffer PPD, even post partum psychosis.

I am in therapy.  I went back more than six months ago because I was having so much trouble dealing with being pregnant again after losing Hope.  We had cut back to once every other week, and it had actually been 3 weeks since I last spoke to my therapist for various reasons.

That isn’t the game plan heading into the home stretch.  We’re ramping back up to once a week, and she’s helping me arrange for a post-partum evaluation.  There are anti-depressants that are safe for breastfeeding moms, and while I would view it as a failure, if I need ones that aren’t badly enough I will switch to formula if it will keep my baby safe.  We’re talking about post-partum support to keep me on level enough ground, and the husband will be coming to a session with me in two weeks to talk specifically about what he needs to keep an eye out for and how to help me, and how to deal with a crisis, should it occur.

I hate thinking about these possibilities.  I want to believe it will all be okay.  But I know that it might not be, and that I do better with a game plan in place.

But what I hate most of all is that my past gives me a reason to be afraid.

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2 Responses to I’m already scared of PPD

  1. almostabride says:

    You absolutly should not view either having to formula feed or take anti depressants as a failure.
    You need to stop putting so much pressure on yourself, It took me 12 months to go and see the doctor about my PPD – ‘because it only happens to other people’ and I did not want to change the routine I had created even though it was not working and making me very ill. I feel a million times better and as a result I am a better mother – I am happy and Stable, something I wasn’t 14 weeks ago. Whatever you choose to do, directly or indirectly will benefit your baby. Be brave and do what is right for you and your baby and not what the media and peer pressure tell you to do 🙂

  2. Taking a Chance on Baby says:

    Thanks for your support.

    I’ll be doing a specific update about this, but the short version is that I talked to my therapist and my OB, and they’re hooking me up with a psychiatrist to figure out what the right course of action (most likely anti-depressants) will be for me post partum so that there is a game plan in place. It’s been really encouraging to hear “Don’t worry, we won’t let what you’re scared of happen.” The husband is also joining me at a therapy appt in a week or so to talk about supporting me in the post-partum period and how to recognize PPD etc.

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