Dear Emby….13 weeks

Dear Emby,

We received your nuchal fold scan test results yesterday, and the news was good. The results were normal, which means you do not have downs syndrome or the chromosomal disorder they check for. I was so relieved to hear that you’re okay.

The truth is that you deserve better than what I’ve been giving you. Because of what happened with Hope, I keep expecting something to go wrong…that you’re the gift that;s too good to be true. Which I’ve amply demonstrated over and over.

As I moved into the murky week that is either the last week of the first trimester or the first week of the second trimester, I began to read up on the second trimester. One of the things I read included information about late term miscarriage and how having a D&C increased your risk for an incompetant cervix. I promptly freaked out and assumed I’d lose you in about 7 weeks when we’ve learned what gender you are but not far enough to be saved by the NICU.

I’ve gotten some therapy to try and help me work through this. You deserve better and so do I.



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