Well, I’m pregnant again.
Part of me is thrilled beyond words….but part of me is so scared.
It’s odd because I couldn’t wait to pee on the stick, and now I wish I were living in ignorant bliss because that way I’d be that much further along when I found out. Except I don’t, not really.
About a month ago, I was diagnosed as glucose resistant. I started testing my blood, and two weeks ago I got the positive on the test. Apparently I’m one of those women who can pee on a stick at 3 weeks and get a positive…which allows me to be freaked out longer than those of you who need to wait until week 5. I’ve since been put on insulin, and am going to the hospital tomorrow to meet with the first member of my “high risk team”…my new endocrinologist. Soon to be joined by a nutritionist, a nurse, a high-risk o/b, my allergist (because I’m borderline asthmatic), and most likely a consult between the surgeon who did my back surgery and the anethesiologist because apparently the epidural is supposed to go where I had surgery.
Part of me feels comforted by having a lot of really smart doctor types surrounding me. But what I really want right now is an early ultrasound, another hcg test, anything that would help reassure me that the baby is okay.
Because I don’t think I could handle mourning the loss of another child…