It’s been a month

Last night I was falling asleep around 10, exhausted, when the date struck me. It had been a month since the miscarriage, and today I was having my follow up appointment. As a result, I couldn’t fall asleep until 3.

I spent several hours researching international adoption, which was somewhat informative if not particularly encouraging. It did, however, clarify that from start to finish, it would take longer than having the additional 2 miscarriages I need to get hardcore testing or an infertility diagnosis. Some require 3-5 years of marriage or relationship, which is also going to take a bit of time. Husband and I have been together for 2 1/2 years at this point.

I’m starting to get to a point where I’m looking at my next pregnancy as my next miscarriage in waiting some of the time. I don’t know if it’s assuming the worst and hoping for the best.

The meeting today helped me reach something more of a peace. Finding out that after the first period it’s about our choice and not medical dictates, which gives me more power back, something I feel like I lost in early September. If Husband does start a new job and we decide to wait for a bit of time, at least it will be our choice, which is a LOT better than the alternative.

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