You are currently browsing the category archive for the 'Letters to Emby' category.
Dear Elanor
I’m very late with this letter…sorry darling, but sometimes I get behind. You don’t leave me with a lot of energy at the end of the day to do things like the monthly letter 
This letter will chronicle November 3 (your actual first birthday) through today.
On your birthday, your Dad and I were totally obnoxious. We came into your room at midnight (although you weren’t born until 5:29 in the morning) and sang Happy Birthday. We sang it again when you did wake up in the morning.
On your birthday I took you to get your birthday photos taken, and we got some gorgeous shots done that day. Below are a few of my favorites!
Afterwards we went to Friendly’s where you enjoyed a hot dog and some mac and cheese. But the real pleasure was dessert where I let you eat your very own cone-head sundae! You loved it, but your outfit was in sad shape.
For dinner we took you to the Rainforest Cafe. You liked the big fishtank we sat next to, but were ready for bed earlier than usual, so we skipped dessert. On our way out through their store, you spotted a stuffed black cat and insisted on it, so we bought it for you. We ended the night with one more round of Happy Birthday.
In the month and a half since that auspicious day, you have changed a LOT.
Medically, you’ve had a stellar month and a half.
You had an awesome cardiology appointment-they are no longer interested in working with you. Your heart function is completely normal and the teeny hole you had last year has closed on its own. One doctor off the list!!! Neurology is down to every 6 months, and Pedi stroke has decided that they only need to see you once a year.
Gastroenterology? That’s not so great. I was a bit overzealous when I said last month that you were 16 pounds. The last weight we had before your bday was 15 lbs 15oz, which made it feel close enough to call 16lbs. But it turned out that some of that weight was constipation, and you have backslid. At your last appointment you were 15 and 11 oz or 12 oz. They aren’t that thrilled with your weight. So you have restarted reflux meds (Prevacid this time) with the idea that a lot of your eating behaviors are similar to that of kids who have silent reflux. It hasn’t seemed so silent as in the few days leading up to us getting the Prevacid (CVS had trouble getting it) you threw up three times. Your puke now is a lot more vile smelling than it was when you were just a breastmilk or formula fed baby (much like your poop is much more vile smelling). We’re also under instruction to give you mac and cheese (a HUGE favorite of yours) once a day and to fry foods that can be fried, to add butter, and we’re adding heavy cream to your milk to make it higher calorie. Anything we can do to try and fatten you up. If there isn’t real gain in the next 6-8 weeks, we’re going to have to do more testing to see if there’s a different problem…but I really think it’s probably silent reflux and the fact that you’re a teeny bean to begin with.
The lack of weight gain has become a problem as your height continues to grow on it’s curve. You are tall enough to wear size 6-12 months for the most part, or 6-9 months for companies that make it, but the waistbands are too big. So we compromise between size 3-6 months from places where the length is about right, or we do overalls, or sometimes I just let the pants do a bit of a low-rider thing on your diaper. I have also resorted to pulling the extra waistband fabric back and securing it with a ponytail elastic. Not terribly fashionable, but at least your pants stay up. If it were summer, I’d just put you in dresses and call it day.
You have a new fashion accessory and will have a second soon enough. Because of your previous stroke and the Von Willebrand disease, you are at high risk for another stroke with head trauma. As a new walker, there is still a lot of falling and….well…head trauma. So you are wearing a helmet. It came in the week after Thanksgiving, but it needed some modification, so you’ve only really been wearing it for a week now. It looks a lot like a pink football helmet. I’m sure you’ll have seen it long before you ever read these letters, so you’ll know what I mean. It’s also been decided that you need a brace to help with your right foot, which is pointing in and down, and causes you to fall a lot because it screws with your gait and is harder for you to control. Not to the point where a casual observer would think you’re anything but a new walker, but for me (who watches you walk all the time) or a physical or occupational therapist, it becomes very clear very quickly. So far all that’s happened is that you were evaluated by the EI physical therapists and we have an appointment after Xmas to have your foot cast by an orthotist.
I will make a difficult confession to you, Elanor. I hate seeing you in the helmet, and I know I’ll hate seeing the brace. Obviously I want to keep you safe and I make sure you’re in it/will be in it, but there’s part of me that just hates every minute of it. I think it’s because you were SO sick, and your recovery has been nothing short of miraculous that in general I can think of you as just a normal little kid. The helmet is something that marks you as different, and while I wouldn’t mind a stellar intellect marking you as different, something so obvious hurts. I worry about people’s reactions and feel very protective of you. More difficult to admit-I worry about people’s opinion of me, specifically that I’m one of the moms that I hate that’s trying to put their kid in a bubble and helmeting them for “safety” as opposed to “because a doctor made me.” Luckily both are meant to be a short term thing.
You are up to 10 teeth (the 9/10th ones are just poking through the gums) and there are two more on the way.
Developmentally you continue to astound us…
You are saying your first non-mama, dada word consistently. There are a few things you say (my favorite is “tan oo” for “thank you”) randomly and without meaning. For example your Daddy said he was going to put you to bed and you said thank you, but then began to scream when he put you in the crib. You also haven’t said it in over a week. What you ARE saying consistently is “YUM.” I posted all about it last week about how it means “FEED ME NOW.”
When asked you can show or point to your head, your ear and infrequently your nose. You clap your hands when asked where are your hands? You kick your feet when asked where are your feet?
If presented with three objects (say a book, a ball, and a shoe) when asked for an object, you most often pick the right object.
You can throw and kick a ball, although kicking occasionally turns into falling over a ball….
With a little help (in the form of a step) you can climb onto furniture. You can climb up stairs.
You love to dance to music, whether it’s on my iPod or made by one of your 8 million obnoxious musical toys. Currently “dancing” means bobbing up and down, but it’s adorable.
You’ve started picking up your dolls and giving them kisses.
For that matter, you’ve started distributing kisses far and wide to almost anyone. Generally this is well received, but recently we were in the doctor’s waiting room and a three year old girl entered. You ran up to her and threw your arms around her. She was NOT happy about this and tried to pull away, but wasn’t sure how as she seemed to get that you were a baby (compared to her) and she shouldn’t hurt babies. I pulled you off her, but she kept avoiding you and I had to keep pulling you away from her. On the flip side, we were at Isis Maternity for class and a woman was leaving the class next door with a young baby in its carrier and you walked up and wanted to see the baby. I asked if it was okay and you gave them a kiss on their blanket, which made both me and the other mom melt a little.
Less enchantingly, you’ve started throwing tantrums when you can’t do what you want. This usually means you can’t rip leaves off your grandparent’s plants, can’t have a diet coke can, can’t come into the bathroom with me when your dad is home, or hear the word no. If we pick you up to get you away from the thing you’re not supposed to be doing/touching/eating/whatever you shriek and arch your back and try to get away. I’m lucky I haven’t been bruised by the force with which you fling your head back against me.
Also, for the record, I’m not loving the complete and total meltdowns you have when I want to do things without you, like go to the bathroom when your dad is home or go out for a few hours to grocery shop without you or even just to go watch tv without you (when your dad is home, obviously). When I’m in the apartment this means I hear you wailing and hitting the door of whatever room I’m in but you’re not. When I leave you, you usually freak out for a good 5-10 minutes, and your grandparents tell me you go to the door and indicate that you want to go. This also resulted in a meltdown when we tried to get your picture with Santa. I put you in his lap and stepped out of the shot and you freaked. Separation Anxiety…fun!!!!
You also are exhibiting a new and strange fear. The vacuum, which you never cared about before is suddenly a thing to run from and scream whenever I run it. Considering the number of crumbs you strew about the house and the messes you make, I run it multiple times a week. Having you lose your shit over it is not fun. However, this is developmentally appropriate, and something for me to just kind of deal with until you grow out of it.
Final thing I’m not loving at all…you dropped down to one nap a day. Seriously child? I need two naps a day just to keep up with you…what’s with the single nap?
Adventures in November and early December…
You tried out gymnastics, and everyone (medical personnel especially) were very enthusiastic about the idea of you doing it. You love “flipping” (you bend over into what looks like the downward dog yoga pose and wait for someone to pick up your ankle and flip you onto your back). Your grandparents bought you lessons for Xmas, and we start formally tomorrow.
We finished off our “Sprouts” class at Isis Maternity this week. We made some lovely friends and you absolutely loved it. While Isis classes always end with bubbles, this was the first time I saw you get excited about them. You now chase bubbles with excitement.
We tried out an Early Intervention playgroup, but you and I both hated it. The instructor was not at all enthusiastic or fun (as opposed to our Isis instructor who is bubbly and gets you toddlers excited), and you kept trying to leave, which was the biggest sign of all. We decided against taking you back.
We’ve also had play dates. We haven’t seen C and Asince your birthday, but that’s just been scheduling. We hung out with Z and his parents at the Burlington Mall-he can say “Elanor” (sort of) now! Next week we’re going to get together with some of the other “Sprouts” moms and their kids!
But your favorite play dates this past month a half was the week that your cousins were up from DC for Thanksgiving!!!!! They stayed at your grandparent’s house and we went over EVERY day. Your older cousin, who is 6, absolutely adored you and kept picking you up and giving you kisses. She didn’t care that you kept stealing (and trying to eat) her hairbands. Your younger cousin (who’s 18 months old) wasn’t too sure of you. Sometimes the two of you played some strange toddler interpretation of tag (I scream you run after me, I scream and run after you), sometimes you fought over toys, sometimes you kissed him and he ran away from you.
They were up for Thanksgiving, as were their uncle and their grandparents. We were 12 for Thanksgiving, which is the biggest Thanksgiving I’ve ever been a part of. On one hand it was amazing to be part of such a lovely family gathering, but on the other, I was often overwhelmed by the sheer number of people. I also loved seeing how you fit into your bigger family.
The day after Thanksgiving we all went to the mall to do pictures of the whole family, each smaller family, and the kids all together and individually. Your cousin’s parents don’t want pics of them on the internet, so I’ll just post a pic of the three of us..
You also had your first weekends away from us. Your dad and I went to LA for a weekend and left you with your grandparents. But then to be fair we had to go away for a night and leave you with your grandma and auntie the following weekend. It was good for your dad and I to get a break and just be us and married for a weekend. You mostly handled it well, but each time we called and you heard our voices you started crying because you missed us.
One last serious thing…
Perhaps the biggest change in the last 6 weeks or so is that you dad was laid off. It’s been difficult not to let the tension affect our relationship with you, but we haven’t always been successful. We are okay because we have savings to cover things like this, but as Daddy looks for a new job, it’s pretty certain that we won’t be living in Massachusetts in six months. We could end up somewhere on the East Coast (which would be great in that our friends would still be pretty close by and would visit us and vice versa), on the West Coast (which would be less ideal, but would be radically different for us and that has it’s own benefits….plus it’s a LOT cheaper to buy a house, etc), in London (which is a dream of ours) or Singapore (which would be quite the adventure).
The things I worry most about with a move are separating you from your grandparents and all of our friends who have grown close to you and become your surrogate family. I also worry about making sure that your medical care is uninterrupted, that the quality of doctor we find in our new home matching your amazing doctors here, and ensuring you get what you need.
But no matter what, we will always love you and make sure that you are taken care of.
Mommy
Dear Elanor
Happy birthday, baby! On November 3, 2009, you will be one year old!
This has been both a wonderful and incredibly sad month for our family. Lady passed away on October 18, which was eight days after she turned 16 years old and eight days before I turned 31. You, on the other hand, are no longer considered allergic to any food, although we are to wait to introduce nuts to you. These are both major life events for our family and have altered our lives in very different ways.
The day that we had Lady put to sleep, you spent the day with your grandmother and aunt. The vet who put Lady to sleep warned us that you were certainly old enough to have your own grief, and when you got home, we realized this was true. You walked through the door and immediately began looking for Lady. We explained, very simply, that Lady had died. We read you a book called “The 10th good thing about Barney” which is about a little boy whose cat has died. For about a week, it was very clear that you were struggling with loss. When we encountered a kitty in a story, you took the book out of my hands and threw it angrily across the room. You looked for her. You got upset when we tried to talk about kitty. But we kept reassuring you that we missed Lady, too, and that it was okay to be sad. You have since encountered a few cats, and you’ve been interested in them, but your sense of loss seems to have faded, which is good as I don’t think we’re going to be ready to add a furry member to the family any time soon.
In my last letter to you, I told you about your clearance for soy. We were thrilled when soy had gone well and you were cleared for dairy. In one week you gained 3 ounces and as of 3 days ago you were one ounce away from 16 pounds! That kind of weight gain delighted everyone, and you were given your gastroenterologist’s blessing to transition to whole milk. We were going to do it slowly, as when we had to transition you off of breastmilk, it was a real struggle, but you have moved onto whole milk with a vengeance. You absolutely love it. Now I’m hoping to wean you off the bottle and onto a sippy cup in the next few months.
The last few days have shown us what other parents take for granted. We have been able to take you to a restaurant and just order you food. We don’t have to have protracted conversations with managers, read ingredient lists, ask about cross contamination and often just get stuck with feeded you steamed veggies because it’s all that they could promise was safe. We just looked over the menu and ordered something for you. It’s been SO liberating.
More importantly, you were able to have real cake on your birthday, which when we were told about the food allergies was the thing I was most concerned about when I thought about things you might be deprived of. When I thought of being a kid, birthday cake is such a huge deal that I couldn’t imagine growing up without having one (and yes of course there are vegan options, but I did try making one and I wasn’t impressed). It was a hit, as the cupcake crumb smeared face I immortalized with my digital camera today showed.
This month we did not travel, which feels like an accomplishment in and of itself. We did, however do a lot of cool things. We visited the Connecticut Renaissance Faire, The Boston Children’s Museum, and The Acton Discovery Museum. We have continued to enjoy our Sprouts class at Isis, and will hopefully soon be starting a similar class through Early Intervention called Jump Jiggle and Jive.
We celebrated Daddy’s 33rd birthday with a special dinner out with your Dadi and Dada. You got to wear your special red velvet dress, and you enjoyed walking on the shiny floor of the restaurant, and afterward going back to your grandparent’s house and changing into pj’s and carrying my shoes around (although I’m not sure I understand why that was fun). Twelve days later we celebrated Mommy’s 31rst birthday with Indian food and you got to try cake frosting!
Your first Halloween was fun! In the weeks before Halloween we attended a few events in a ladybug costume, but we kept a special costume just for Halloween. Your Auntie Stephanie came up from New York City, and the three of us were going to go to Salem for Halloween during the day. Unfortunately it was a rough day for you (not sure if was teething, not enough sleep, or some combo of the two) and we didn’t make it. But after a long nap, you were ready to trick or treat. We started at your Dadi and Dada’s house! I bet they weren’t that surprised to see a turtle ringing their doorbell. We went to two of their neighbors and then a few of our friends houses before finishing the night with a quick stop at Target and dinner at Not Your Average Joe’s. You were absolutely adorable! It was like coming full circle, as we nicknamed you turtle when you were just a few days old. I can’t wait until next year when you’re old enough to actually say trick or treat. You did get to try your first piece of candy, which, for posterity’s sake, I can report was a kitkat. You give it a thumbs up.
On November 1rst (a Sunday) we celebrated your first birthday. In attendance were
–Mommy & Daddy
-Dada & Dadi
-Grandma & Auntie D
-Auntie Aimee, Uncle Josh and their son C
-Zach, Deb and their son Z
-Auntie Kate
-Uncle Curt
-Auntie Ange
-Auntie Steph
-Auntie Love
-Uncle Mieszko & Auntie Lynn
So many people love you!
You loved your balloons, thought the tissue paper was almost as tasty as the cupcakes, and could listen to us sing happy birthday all day. Your grandma made a cake in the shape of a ducky just for you! There were tons of balloons, a fun to be one beach ball, and a bear that everyone who came to the party autographed for you. We took lots of pictures and video.
I made you a special video, which I’ll post here on your actual birthday. I spent hours and hours on it, and I hope that someday you will think it is a nice momento of your first year here on Earth.
Thank you for one of the most challenging, wonderful and memorable years Elanor. It’s hard to think that we went from this 6 lb 11 oz 19.25 inch teeny baby who couldn’t even hold up her own head to a 16 lb 28 inch tall walking talking (sort of talking) whirlwind in 12 short months. Some day you may ask me what it was like to have a baby. I feel like I should answer that question, as you are not a baby…you are a toddler now. It is exasperating, tiring, and overwhelming. You will never be as tired as you are in those early months. It can feel like a tidal wave of need. BUT…it is a connection unlike anything I’ve ever known. You look at me with total trust. There are times when you just walk (well, run) over to me and throw your arms around me and press your open mouth against me in your version of a kiss. When I pick you up in the morning, the very first thing you always do is snuggle your little face against my shoulder and give me kisses. When you do something exciting and new, you look back to make sure I’m watching you…so that I can share in your exciting triumphs and cheer you on.
Being your mom has changed me profoundly in this past year. I’m much less worried about myself. I worry about you first and foremost. I take time for me and for your daddy too, but you are always in the back of my mind and the front of my heart. In general I am a less selfish person (although I’m not perfect, and a little selfishness is a good thing). I think I’m more easy going because no matter how many plans you make, a baby who needs a nap trumps them all, and I’ve had to keep relearning that lesson. In many ways, as you grow up, I am continuing to grow up as well.
Happy birthday baby girl…toddle off into the sunset, but keep looking back to make sure I’m there, okay? I promise that I will be.
Love
Mommy
Dear Elanor
This month’s letter is very hard for me to write.
While we had an excellent start to your 11th month of life, the end is a very sad one for our family. My cat, Lady, is dying. She is your cat and your Daddy’s pet as well, but she was mine exclusively for the first 11 years of her life. Your story with her will far shorter than I had hoped.
I was quite worried about how Lady would react to you when she had never been around infants or children before, and had little to no tolerance of kittens or other animals that she saw as competition for my attention. I don’t know what she thought of my pregnancy, or if she even noticed that my body was changing. Most likely, what she noticed was that we were gone for several days and then brought home blankets that we kept close. We showed you to her, and she sniffed you, but she was very wary of you. Then, of course, you got sick and we were gone for about 3 weeks. Friends dropped by to refresh her autofeeder and her water and to change her litter, but we were missing. I went home once while you were in the hospital and Daddy went twice or possibly 3 times.
When you came home the second time, there was a bond that formed. You would cry and she would seek me out to look at me anxiously. Maybe she was saying “Can you please make the loud noise stop?” but I always saw it as “the baby is crying! fix it!” Until you were six months old, we kept your crib pushed up against my side of the bed with the drop side removed. You would sleep at the head of the crib, and Lady would sleep at the foot of the crib. She would hang out near you, and you watched her with fascination. Once you figured out that you could pet, you were always eager to try, even if you were overenthusiastic in your affections. Lady shocked me…rather than scratch you or run from you when you inevitably pulled her fur, she would just give us long-suffering looks that conveyed “a little help here, please?”. Once you began Early Intervention, each time your EI services came out to us, Lady always made a point of stopping by the visit, as if to check up on things.
There was the time in May that you were sitting in your Bumbo and you picked up a cat toy that happened to be next to the Bumbo on the floor and you played with Lady.
And I can’t forget that an integral part of the bedtime routine has been “Tails are Not for Pulling,” which has always involved Lady coming over and your Daddy showing you how to pet Lady gently as he read the book to you.
In short, the two of you have had a beautiful friendship…and I find myself breaking into tears knowing you won’t remember it, even as I show you pictures and video. Much like I feel towards the dog my parents had who adored me as an infant, and with whom there are pictures, and many stories, I feel only a vague sense of curiosity or affection, and not genuine emotion.
**************
You have finished your time abroad for the time being. The day you turned 10 months old was the day you and I ventured up to Loch Ness in Scotland. Several days later our family went to London, where you visited your very first Hard Rock Cafe (and of course got a t-shirt to commerate, although it’s far too big for you), the Peter Pan Statue, Buckingham Palace, rode the London Eye, and had many other adventures. We got our replacement seat, so I was finally able to stop jerry-rigging your stroller (that we broke at Holyrood Palace going up some very steep and circular stairs to Queen Mary of Scots chambers). The flight home was a nightmare as your Daddy couldn’t book the same bulkhead seats, so there was no bassinet, and you wanted only to be held by me and cuddled on the flight home. Which was mostly okay, except by the time we got to Boston I felt like my shoulder had been dislocated.
We had only been home a week when the predictable happened—YOU WALKED. Something you have only gotten better and better at with each passing day. By 10/3/09 you could stand up on your own in the middle of the floor and walk at least halfway across a room. You are frighteningly mobile, beloved child.
Your weight gain is still worrisome to me, although not necessarily to your gastroenterologist. I took you into the pedi and found out you’ve only gained 2 ounces since your 9 month well baby visit, and while it’s very common for weight to plateau when a child learns to walk, I wasn’t expecting to unpack your 3-6 month stuff…silly me for packing it away at the start of summer, certain you wouldn’t still be wearing it come fall.
Once home your sleep began to fall apart. Sadly, the thing that cured it was moving you to your own room. I say sadly, because part of me misses my baby in arms reach. But in truth, I’m also relieved. I have missed having a grown up bedroom free of a massive crib. Your room is adorable, and I am especially happy with the way you’ve returned to sleeping through the night there.
We had our first experience with a Daddy free week. Daddy had a conference and I was just too tired to deal with any more travel, so we didn’t go. It was weird not having him there, and I felt like an intruder at bedtime, which has always been your and Daddy’s thing. It was the week of your sleeping poorly, and moving you out of my room (with your Dada’s-grandpa’s) help made my room even lonelier. On the upside, it was probably the cleanest our home has been since you arrived on the scene.
We have planned out your first birthday party, which will be on 11/1/09. Your friend CJ and many of our friends will come and celebrate it with us. I will be making you a cake with whatever allergy sensitivities are necessary.
Speaking of which—you are now on Soy! So far so good after a week. You have enjoyed soy yogurt, soy hot dogs, and we have soy pudding to give you too. And soy ice cream! Assuming this continues to go well, we’ll introduce dairy before the month is out. First though, we’ll have to take a poopy diaper to your gastroenterologist and get his okay.
Other things of note
*Still working on that 7th tooth…sigh
*You have waved bye-bye a few times, but are not yet doing it consistently
*You have said “bye” and “no” each once or twice, but not with purpose
*You also like to say a word that sounds like “woosh!”
*We are cutting your physical therapy back to every other week as your side preference does not seem to be affecting walking the way it did crawling
You are very loved, little turtle
Mommy
Dear Turtle
It gives me a twinge of sadness to say that you are 10 months old. You will never be a single digit number of months old ever again in your life. For some reason this saddens me…perhaps because coupled with your increased independence, it reminds me that instead of a tiny baby, I now have an incredibly active almost-toddler. I realize I said something similar last month, but it’s almost impossible to convey how amazing it is to watch you grow and change month by month and I am constantly astounded by it.
As with last month, you turned 9 and then 10 months old away from home. We flew from San Francisco to Philadelphia on 8/3 and were in Scotland on 9/3 having an adventure on 9/3.
We took an extra day in Philadelphia on our way home because I had raved so much about the Please Touch Museum that your Daddy wanted to see it, too, so we took you again on 8/4. Your Daddy loved watching you explore and play in the 0-3 areas. We watched you as you crawled around after other babies (because surely whatever they were interested in was FAR more interesting than anything you could find on your own). You pulled to stand and cruised around the fairy tale land. You and Daddy went on the carousel while I took pictures. Then Daddy and I watched as you discovered a small piano with enthusiasm, banging on it for easily 5 minutes before losing interest.
Once home, we had a lot of things to catch up on. You had your 9 month well baby visit (26/27 inches tall-18th percentile, 15 lbs-1rst percentile), with a covering pediatrician as your Dr had a new little baby boy. But don’t worry, she’ll be back in time for your one year well baby visit. You also visited with your gastroenterologist and we discussed the process of introducing new foods to you. However, I’ll need to check with him if the plan is the still the same after you had what was obviously an allergic reaction to something you’d eaten in Scotland. You saw your hematologist, who talked about helmeting you for the next 6 months as you learn to walk. Which was fine, except the helmet is too big for you–a small problem with being so teeny. You also hate it and have taken it off multiple times at this point. I’m kind of ambivalent about the helmet–I do agree that there is increased statistical likelihood of your injuring yourself, but on the other hand if you’re not going to wear it and wearing it makes you miserable is it worth the increased protection? I don’t really have an answer. Your Early Intervention nurse and physical therapist worked with you while we were home, and continue to be happy with your progress. When we get home, your EI is going to be a bit different now that you’ve 85% or so got the purposefully letting go of objects skill down.
Also while we were home, you got to hang out with Auntie Kate one afternoon while I went into my volunteer job with Planned Parenthood. You spent two afternoons with your grandparents, and one day with your grandmother while I volunteered as well. During this month I also interviewed to work on the Planned Parenthood hotline. While I am helping by stuffing envelopes and filing paperwork, I want to do something a little more personal, and the hotline seemed like a great idea. It’s important to me that you see me doing things outside the home, and it’s also important that the things I do that take time away from you have meaning to me. It’s one thing to be pro-choice, which I am, and to want to pass that value onto you. It’s another to show you with my actions (which we all know speak louder than words) that I’m pro-choice. You’re far too young now to understand why I do what I do, but someday I hope to have made you proud with my efforts.
You hung out with Auntie Julie and Auntie Mary so that Daddy and I could have a date night. Which only reinforced that Daddy and I need to do this more often. I felt pretty smart though, because I managed to create our date night by asking our Facebook friends if anyone wanted you for an evening. Remember that our friends on Facebook are all real life friends whom we’d trust with you…and not just random people on the street.
Mommy had some really rough days during the time we were home–it’s hard to know how much to share with you in a letter like this, but I know from first hand experience that your parent’s depression affects your life profoundly. Statistically, you are also fairly likely to inherit our depression/mood disorders, so I don’t want to hide any of that from you either. Your Dad was diagnosed with bipolar type 2 disease, and I am trying to get evaluated, but it is suspected for many reasons that I also fall onto the milder side of the bipolar spectrum. Some of what I’m dealing with are poor coping skills. I wasn’t taught good coping skills as a child, and I never quite learned them as an adult. So I am going to go through some fairly painful (I’m sure) personal growth in the next bit of time, so that your Dad and I can teach you good coping skills and model them for you. I see a lot of my mother’s patterns in the way I act…some of that may also be inherited mental disorders, but some of it is just innappropriate behavior. I can only say I hope to do better in the future.
You had a playdate with Auntie A’s son. He wasn’t crawling yet, although Auntie A reports back that 48 hours after watching you crawl and bounce all over the place, he was crawling, too. BAD INFLUENCE!!! I was a bit worried when you kept crawling over to him and stealing his toys. Was I raising a baby bully? It was, however, evidence that points to the need to procreate again (although certainly not soon) as it’s not like your Daddy or I know how to share (as we are both only children). You, my dear, need a sibling. It was during this visit that Auntie A pointed out that you had 2 more teeth…the top teeth on either side of the top middle two had come through. It’s hard for us to know (until you chew on us, which we try to avoid these days) when you have new teeth as you hide them with your lips when you open your mouth and are NOT OKAY with us trying to open your mouth to get a good look on our own.
We left Boston on August 24th and arrived in Scotland on the 25th (local time). I was cursing the decision to keep you in lap for this trip (significantly cheaper than buying you your own ticket) after the first leg of the trip (Boston to DC). You spent the entire time climbing down off Daddy’s lap and standing up on the floor and then crawling to me on the floor (over the feet of a nice australian woman on her way to South Africa, who was incredibly kind to you) and then back. You also tugged on the Aussie’s pants legs and used her to stand up many a time. Luckily, she was enchanted by you.
Unlike our previous trips, where you either slept happily or just hung out in the MOBY (both ways to Colorado) or had your own seat (by luck to San Francisco) or were pretty okay with being held (from San Francisco, although you eventually got your own seat thanks to the seating shuffle and the fact that you puked on someone, who then wanted to be very very far away from you), you were NOT OKAY with being held. I was dreading the long trip to the UK as you had forcibly not slept on the trip to DC or in the airport in DC–staying awake without a nap for over 6 hours–and were cranky. Luckily, although you are technically too old for it, you still weigh few enough pounds that the cabin crew got the baby bassinet for you. Once you gave in, you slept most of the flight to London. You then slept a bit of the way from London to Scotland in Daddy’s arms. I am praying we can get the bassinet again on the way home.
Your Dad, you and I had a few days of adventuring together before he had to start attending conference events. We went to the Edinburgh Zoo and saw the Penguin Parade (and the only Koalas in the UK!), toured Edinburgh Castle and saw the Scottish Crown Jewels, and then spent a day in Glasgow. Daddy carried you (in your stroller) up a flight of stairs so that we could all have tea in a MacIntosh Tea Room! But the most exciting part of Glasgow for you was when we bought you a balloon twisted into the shape of a flower. That was also the day where you learned about the inevitable consequence of chewing on a balloon.
Your Daddy has been attending a conference for the last week, and you and I have been on our own. We have walked the Royal Mile, explored Holyrood Palace, driven all the way up to Loch Ness, done a bus tour of Edinburgh, been to a “soft-play” center at a shopping mall, and plenty more.
The most memorable stories I want to share with you about this trip are
–That I broke your stroller going up the very tight spiral staircase to Queen Mary’s chamber in Holyrood Palace. There is a small washer or screw somewhere in the palace that once belonged to your stroller. The arms that control whether you’re sitting or laying (the back of the seat) in the stroller are what broke, and I currently have McGuyvered your stroller so that it will still be usable until we reach London and the replacement seat arrives at our hotel there (thank god for the Bugaboo warranty and their excellent customer service). Basically I’m wrapping the rain cover behind the seat and securing it on the handle of the stroller so that you can sit up. It works, but it’s not terribly effective in a rainy climate where I often have to unMcGuyver your stroller to use the rain cover for it’s intended usage.
-Your favorite part of Glasgow was the flower balloon. Your favorite part of Edinburgh was the doggie balloon I got you…until I took you to a soft play center.
-That I have you to thank for such an amazing trip.
There are things about being in Europe with an infant and a stroller that have made me wish you were old enough to leave with your grandparents. Many places here have strict rules about who can eat where at what time of day that were never issues for me as I’d only ever been to Europe as an adult. Beyond that, the sheer difficult of getting a stroller around a city that was not built in an age of accessibility is a struggle. I forwent a few attractions and more than a few restaurants simply because it was just too much of a challenge to get you, the stroller, the diaper bag, and the camera bag/my stuff up or down a flight of stairs.
But these restrictions on small children forced me to be creative in a way I never would have been were I here without you. Without you, I would have been a good little tourist and paid for my highland tour and sat on the bus and read on the way up to Loch Ness and back, only glancing out the window occasionally or when instructed to by the tour guide. Because I couldn’t take you, and the combined cost of a ticket for the tour plus a sitter for the day was incredibly high, I instead decided to rent a car and do it with you on our own. I NEVER would have rented a car in a foreign country, where the cars are driven on the opposite side of the road otherwise. Because I did, I learned that I could do something I never would have tried without the combination of rules and my own stubborness and desire to see Loch Ness. I have you to thank for that. As I did rent a car, I had to pay attention as we drove to Loch Ness and back. I saw sights I never would have seen otherwise. I stopped whenever I wanted to, to get gorgeous shots of the Highlands that I never would have had the chance to on a bus. I saw roads, we made side trips (such as stopping at Culloden), and all in all, even without a Nessie Sighting, I think our trip was FAR more successful than my experience on a tour would have been without you.
I have you to thank for all of the wonderful Scottish people I’ve met here. I would have talked to a few cab drivers, and maybe a person in a store here or there, but your presence draws in strangers like moths to a flame. Obviously without you, I never would have had a reason to go to a soft-play area. Because I wanted to treat you with a day where you could be out of the stroller and social after the long drive up to and back from Loch Ness, I decided on a soft play area. While you crawled and played, and copied older babies (throwing ball pit balls!!–not AT anyone, but doing the purposeful release is exciting!) I sat nearby with other moms and we chatted and connected over our kids. At the laundromat today, I talked to strangers because of you when on my own I would have just opened up my laptop, put in my headphones and zoned out while the laundry washed and dried. To say nothing of strangers on the street. So many people have been very kind; holding doors, helping us on and off busses, and a thousand other small kindnesses. It really does reinforce my belief that most people are good. I’m grateful to you for that–for helping me be more present in the day to day aspects of this trip.
Of course, your screaming in the carseat while I was on the phone with Alamo, trying to get my flat tire fixed, was not an enchanting experience. But it’s part of parenting, and I understand that you were just incredibly frustrated with being in the seat and that you were incredibly bored. Unfortunately, it wasn’t something I could do anything about. Regardless of the truth (which is unknown), I’m still choosing to believe that the valet drivers were the ones who ran over the screw, causing the flat tire and that I didn’t drive all the way back from Loch Ness (or to and back from Loch Ness) in the rain on a flat tire…because that’s just too freaking scary to think about.
I realize that this isn’t a trip you’ll remember. That in fact you may one day think we were insane to take you (perhaps the first time you take a baby on a plane or see a screaming baby on a plane). But it’s part of the world I want to give you. Travel opens your mind because it teaches you (to paraphrase Barack Obama) that people in other countries are PEOPLE. As someone who first flew when she was 20, and who grew up in a small town, I could have easily misunderstood my fellow humans, finding our differences too large to overcome. But as I travel the US and the world, I learn first hand that people are people. I see things and learn things that expand my understanding of my fellow man and that bring me closer to him (and her). I dreamt of Britain as a small girl, especially after reading books like “A Little Princess” and “The Secret Garden.” I watched “Mary Poppins” and “My Fair Lady” and wondered what it could be like to live somewhere like that. Obviously modern Britain is a far cry from those books and movies, but seeing a castle that is over 500 years old, breathing it’s air, touching it’s stone walls, walking in the gardens that Kings and Queens have walked in isn’t a feeling you can get from a book or a tv show or a movie. While these are experiences that will be lost to the mists of your memory, I want you to grow up having similar experiences. Knowing that the world isn’t as big as it seems. Walking where so many others (both Kings and beggars) have walked.
I hope some day that you’ll treasure the silly shots I’ve taken of you…10 month old Elanor with a “hairy coo.” Elanor at Edinburgh Castle.
Each day is a chance to experience the world anew with you, because it’s all new to you. And while you’re not overly impressed by a castle, I am in awe of standing in a castle with you.
I love you
Mommy
Darling Elanor
You are nine months old. You have been outside my body longer than you were inside, which is unfathomable to me. It’s difficult to see you as the same baby I gave birth to nine months ago; that little girl was so unformed and while she had flashes of personality it was nothing like the opinionated and vivacious almost-toddler I see before me today.
You spent the majority of your 8th month of life out of state. You turned 8 months old in Virginia as we were visiting with your cousins, and you turned 9 months old in San Francisco and Philadelphia (can you guess what we were doing on August 3rd?) In your 8th month of life you visited Virginia, Connecticut, New Jersey, Washington DC, North Carolina, Maryland, Delaware, New York City, Philadelphia, San Francisco, Berkeley and Santa Cruz. That’s 1 district and 9 states! You were a passenger in a car and on an airplane.
With so much travel, you might wonder if we really noticed any changes. But some of them were hard to miss, such as
CRAWLING!!!!! I don’t know why I’m excited as it has made my life much more difficult. You are into things you weren’t into before. You can decide to be someplace else and get there, and sometimes that’s no so easy on your mommy and daddy.
TWO MORE TEETH–the two top teeth have made an appearance, but are not yet fully in. I’ve now been officially bitten, and let me just say—ouch.
STANDING UNASSISTED–Yes. Standing without help. Only for 10 seconds or so at a time, but we can see the writing on the wall–you are gearing up to walk, and as soon as you figure out all the things that need to happen together to walk successfully, you will be on the move, no question.
CRUISING FURNITURE–when we got back from our road trip I had put you over in your play area to play and sat down on the couch to catch up on email. The next thing I knew, you had crawled over to the loveseat and had cruised the length of the loveseat and the couch to grab my power cord out of my laptop. This is when I realized that baby proofing really did need to happen and much more thoroughly than we had thus far.
You are, as ever, extremely social. Especially with other babies. You are fascinated by them. When we have gone to places like the Please Touch Museum in Philly or the Bay Area Discovery Museum in Sausalito, CA you have attempted to engage with other babies. You reach out with your chubby baby hands and clap in delight at their accomplishments. You mimic them. You crawl after them. When they hug you, you delightedly hug back. However, you have also done some hair pulling and some innapropriate touching (exactly what it is about boy’s butts that you find so attractive? you’re a little young for that sort of thing, missy).
This does not mean that there is no separation anxiety. Perhaps it’s because you spent some weeks without spending time at your grandparent’s house, but when I left you there so that I could begin to volunteer outside the home, and when we have left you with a friend to get some down time, you have spent a good 5-10 minutes crying.
We discovered that this month you have officially fallen off the growth charts. I struggle with this knowledge. The truth is that I haven’t always had a healthy relationship with food, and having a child with food issues is about the worst thing I could think of in terms of triggering my own emotional responses. It’s so hard not to count every ounce, every bite throughout the day. On the other hand, you have rolls of fat on your thighs and your cheeks are round and chubby. You don’t act as though you are malnourished. You are vibrant and bouncy and constantly on the go. Part of me wonders if the reason you’re so small is that you just burn so many calories with your constant exploration? I have also gotten the advice that because American growth charts are effectively written for caucasian kids and you’re half asian, that may affect how you look on the charts…that asian kids tend to be small.
We saw a nutritionist this month. She advised ditching the baby food and mostly just putting you on table food to supplement your bottles. She advised that we give you things that will excite your palate and make you more interested in food. To that end, you have eaten hummus, salsa, and many other things I never really imagined giving a baby, and your palate is already far more advanced than mine was at your age. She said that you need foods with exciting flavors, so within the constraints of your (presumed) food allergies, we are trying to do that.
You love fruit slices as much as you love the fruit baby food. You’re open to new flavors and liked guacamole. You are a bit unsure of hummus, but are willing to try and retry it. You still have a deep and abiding love of pickles. I have let you chew on things like deli meat. French fries in ketchup and bbq sauce are also a hit.
Some favorite memories from this month
—On the 4th of July we went into DC. We saw a reading of the Declaration of Independence at the National Archives, and then were perfectly positioned to see the 4th of July parade. There were tons of giant balloons, but you couldn’t care less. The thing that grabbed your attention were the marching bands. You watched them with unwavering attention, clapping your hands and bouncing with delight. We also took you to the American Museum, one of the Smithsonian Museums. You weren’t that impressed by any of the exhibits (even though you saw a Kermit the Frog and the Ruby slippers from the Wizard of Oz) but you were endlessly fascinated by a neon colored ball that lit up when it was bounced from the gift shop. We watched your first fireworks on the National Mall; you were unimpressed. You spent the whole time playing with your light up ball, which you felt to be vastly superior to the stupid fireworks. your dad and I disagree, by the way.
–Seeing you with your cousins J and A. A is a 5 year old girl who was happy to pick your toys up off the floor. J is a one year old boy who can walk, something you were very jealous of. But the memory I have of our time with them was when your auntie K and I were pushing you and J in side by side Target carts and the two of you began baby babbling at each other, and reached out and held hands for a moment. It just melted our hearts.
–This is the month you began physical therapy. Hopefully you won’t need it for a long time…they are helping you crawl properly, as you have an awkward gait when crawling, regardless that you get where you want to go.
—Your reaction to your Uncle Chris. He’s Australian, and you found his accent hypnotic. As I’m a sucker for accents, I can’t really fault you for that.
–Taking you to Santa Cruz. You encountered your first beach…you loved the sand. You kept picking it up and letting it drift back down. I took you to the water’s edge to get some pictures, and felt horrible when the water came in faster and deeper than I expected. You were knocked over by a small wave and I had to grab you and pull you up out of the water. I hope that it doesn’t give you negative associations with water. You also rode your first carnival ride by yourself there–there was a little whale ride where you went around in a circle and up and down specifically for kids who were smaller than 36 inches tall–perfectly you sized. You liked it, but I think it was a bit long for you–at the end you were looking concerned, but not crying. You also “played” a fishing game with daddy’s help and won a stuffed turtle! It was a really nice family day.
–Seeing you stand for the first time unaided. We were in the Yerba Buena Park in San Francisco with your Uncle Harit. I had helped you stand, and you let go of me and stood unaided for about 10 seconds! I got you to do it agian and got a picture! Since then you pull up to standing on some piece of furniture and occasionally let go.
–We also took you to a Ren Faire. We got you another pair of devil horns, and you were a major hit. Everyone stopped to say hi to you and many people remembered you from Wicked Faire (the person who organized the Ren Faire, Jeff, was the same guy who organizes WF). You also aquired a gorgeous purple fairy wand.
You met so many people for the first time. I love sharing you with our friends and family. So many people followed your story on Care Pages when you were sick, and although they can see your pictures on Facebook, it’s a powerful experience for them to see you in real life so happy and healthy.
This was also the month when I began to work outside the house again for the first time since you were born. I have begun to volunteer at Planned Parenthood. I want you to see as well as know that I try to live my values, including my firm belief that you should control your sexuality and your fertility. I hope that you will grow up proud of my involvement with Planned Parenthood. That you will know that I crossed picket lines and learned where panic buttons were to help keep your rights safe. I’m doing it for me-in fact mostly for me-but also for you.
Every day you look a little less like a baby and more like a toddler. Your hair is growing and I’m seeing the start of curls…my fingers are SO crossed that you’ll get your dad’s natural curly hair. You are fearless and wonderful. You are my precious precious little girl.
love always
Mommy
Dear Elanor
You will be spending the majority of your 8th month in hotel rooms!
Your seventh month was so full of changes and skills I’m scared I’ll forget some! Since I’m writing this almost 2 weeks late because of the first chunk of travel…I probably did…sigh.
Physically–
You are 14 lbs and about 25/26 inches tall. I look at you and see my little baby girl, but now as I see people venturing out into the world with their newborns, I realize what a big girl you’ve become. I can know it intellectually, but there is a disconnect in my heart…you are my baby. And now I will completely contradict myself and say that sometimes when I look at you, I see glimpses of the toddler and kid that you’re growing into. It is fascinating, occasionally disturbing in that it’s happening far too fast, and thrilling.
Your hair is continuing to grow in. I have to laugh at myself though…it’s still nowhere near enough for me to put it in a teeny ponytail or to clip bows into it, but not for lack of my overeager attempts to do so. I content myself with your exceptional tolerance for headbands (the fabric ones that go all the way around your head) when I color coordinate you for the day.
I have had the urge to get your ears pierced on at least two occasions. I blame your Dadi (Gujarati for father’s mother) for planting the idea in the first place. I don’t think I’ll actually do it…the idea of using it as an incentive when you’re much older is just too enticing…but I will admit to being tempted.
Also…and this is the big one..two teeth!!! The two middle bottom teeth have broken through the skin and are on their way to growing up into real teeth. They’re certainly real enough to hurt like hell when you try to chew on my finger. However, you won’t really let me get a good look at them. When you open your mouth, you often thrust your tongue out over them and if I try to pull down your lower lip, you understandably turn your head and get pissed.
Gross Motor–
Well, we’re screwed. You have become more and more mobile throughout this month and last night you actually crawled about a foot. I am excited and terrified all at the same time.
You are also pulling to stand on everything! This has resulted in some hasty baby proofing!
Fine Motor—
You have begun to clap…which is the cutest thing I’ve ever seen, especially when you do something and I cheer for you, and then you clap for yourself.
Foods—
You like pickles, which is unsurprising considering my own deep and abiding love for them.
You’re still pretty much only eating fruits and fruit blends which is frustrating. We introduced chicken a few days before you technically turned 8 months and it wasn’t the biggest hit.
Speech–
You said Dada the day before father’s day…good timing kid!
You also say Mama, baba, gaga
You blow raspberries
Other Stuff
-We had your pictures taken for father’s day and the photography studio asked if they could use your pictures professionally! I haven’t heard anything yet, but that was pretty cool.
-We went to the MOS and to MIT on father’s day. You had a great time and were so well behaved!
I know there’s so much more that happened in your 7th month but you’ll have to excuse your mom’s poor memory…maybe I should be doing a more frequent update?
Love
Mommy
Dear Elanor Athena
You are 7 months old today. How did that happen?
This month you had seven doctor’s appointments, luckily all with fairly good results. You are down to seeing your nephrologist once a year. Your MRI showed normal progression and your neurologist will not see you again until you are one year of age. You had a nice well baby visit, and will not need shots again until you’re a year old. You’ll be seeing your gastroenterologist again at 9 months, and the pedi stroke team as well (although that’s more about your mild to moderate Von Willebrandts disease than any other reason). We are very proud of your medical progress, and look forward to seeing you continue to improve in the months ahead.
Developmentally speaking, you are
- rolling in both directions (although you still don’t enjoy it)
- sitting very solidly and catching yourself so that you don’t tip over very much anymore
- starting to pull up on things
- starting to scootch…you want to go forward, but are only successful at moving backwards…which makes you very angry.
- Holding your own bottle (laying down) and feeding yourself
- Begun to babble “mamama”
Eating-wise…you have made your hatred of peas (that I mentioned in your six month letter) even more clear. I tried them again a few weeks ago and you threw them back up. We won’t be trying those again for a while. You also hated the tomato carrot baby food I tried you on. I’ve done some reading and it may be that the acidity of the tomato was a bit much for you. However, you LOVE mango. Can’t get enough of it. Apple is also a big deal. Most fruit has been a hit, although you aren’t the biggest fan of the apple/blueberry mix.
Now that you’re old enough for teething cookies and things in that vein, I’m starting to realize exactly how hard I’m going to have to work this year to keep your food free from your allergens. It’s fairly easy with baby food as it basically just rules out any of the yogurt mixes. But many teething cookies have soy (or dairy or egg) and I’ve had to be very vigilant about labels. I found a cake mix that’s free of all of your potential allergens and mean to do a dry run to see how the cake actually tastes when cooked. If it’s any good, then we’ll use that for your first birthday. Hopefully you’ll outgrow the food allergies, but if you don’t, I want to give you as many options as possible. Luckily the selection is a lot better these days than in the past…I regret ever rolling my eyes at the existence of Whole Foods. For you, they are pretty much my go-to grocery store.
When it comes to eating, you have learned how to hold the bottle yourself when you’re laying down. You sometimes need a little help (in supporting the end of the bottle, raising it a bit, etc) but in general are doing great. And if you’re awake (as compared to the sleepy first feed of the day and any overnight) you get angry if we don’t let you do it yourself. However, I am a bit concerned as your volume seems to be decreasing. Something to call your GI doc about.
You are also getting very cranky if you don’t get solids at least once a day. You will refuse the bottle and cry until we give them to you. Generally you get very grabby with the spoon. We’ve tried to give you your own spoon in the past, but you’re too smart for us! You figured out which spoon had the food and discarded the other spoon, reaching for the one with the good stuff. Your GI doc did warn us about this, saying babies who had trouble with bottles and formula often go crazy for solids. Which is great on one hand because eventually it means you’ll be eating just fine, but on the other, I worry about how many calories you’re taking in. Baby food has significantly fewer calories than your formula, but it’s clear that you prefer the former to the latter.
Still no teeth…I was sure you’d have some by now. CJ, my good friend Aimee’s son, who is two days younger than you, has two. Which is not to say I think you’re behind…it’s just funny how all of you develop in your own ways.
Speaking of developing, can I tell you how thrilled I am that your first “word” is Mama? You say “mamama” and sometimes “mama.” Obviously you haven’t connected me and that word, as it’s just something you babble, but every time I hear you say it, I get a big dopey grin on my face. I need to get it on camera…I want you (when you’re older) to know what your adorable baby voice sounded like. We’re working on Dada, since Father’s Day is in just a few weeks, but so far there is no progress on that front. C’mon, Turtle–throw your Daddy a bone, why don’t you?
May marked our first Mother’s Day together. We went out for a lovely lunch (you’re so teeny that in the picture, all you can see is your little head peeking over the table cloth in your high chair), visited the Museum of Fine Arts, walked to my alma mater, drove off without your stroller (thanks, Daddy), arrived at the Public Garden and realized we didn’t have your stroller, drove back to the Museum and breathed a HUGE sigh of relief to see it was still there (it’s a Bugaboo, which will probably not mean anything to you, but it’s a very expensive and recognizable stroller and could easily have been stolen), drove back to the Public Garden, fed you by the Swan Boats and then took you to meet the “Make Way for Ducklings” statue there. We drove home, and put you to bed for what I think was only the second or third time without a swaddle and watched you sleep while Daddy and I enjoyed a movie in bed.
Your sleep is a bittersweet thing. You have finally outgrown your swaddle, as you tried to roll in bed, worrying us that you would get trapped on your stomach without your hands free to help you flip over again. We have graduated you to a Halo sleep sack, and against all of the warnings of every SIDS site, have also allowed you to sleep with a small blanket that your Grandma crocheted for you (we’re totally renegades that way). Apparently we were worried for good reason–you rolled and got caught between your mattress and mine several times. After the third or fourth time, we decided it was time to put the drop side of your crib back on, and to move your crib away from my side of the bed. You’re still in our room, only six or ten inches further away than you were before, but it feels like a million miles for me. When you wake up at 7 am for a bottle, I often keep you in bed with me for those last few hours of sleep because I miss having you there with me. To be fair, you also enjoy it, and fall asleep most easily when cuddled next to me–it’s a trick I’ll employ if you’re having trouble going down for a nap.
You are sleeping for much longer stretches now at night…sometimes as much as 8 hours before needing a bottle and going back to sleep. Naps are a bit of a mess, mostly because we’re out and about so much that you sleep in short stretches in the car and then don’t want the long nap (or rest of the nap you need) when we get home. It doesn’t seem to be making you cranky so I’m just going to go with it.
What takes us out and about this month? Swim class continues to be fun, although we had a two weekend hiatus. At Aimees suggestion, I’ve also started taking you to a local pool for “Tiny Tot Swim” in between lessons to get more time in the water. It’s a special time where kids in the 0-4 range only get a lap lane or two to themselves (and their parents of course). We also are taking a developmental class called Caterpillars at Isis and just started a Kindermusik class as well. We also occasionally hang out with auntie Aimee and CJ.
I know this is shocking, but occasionally we go out to do stuff related to me–what a concept! I’m down to one allergy shot a month until my season is over, but then we’ll go back for weekly shots again (for me).
Early intervention continues to go well, but since we started Caterpillars, it’s been a challenge to get a time that works for everyone. That is one positive of Caterpillars ending mid-June–we’ll have a good slot for EI on a regular basis.
You are a lovely little girl, and not just physically. You are a joy to be around…all laughs and babbles of MAMAMA. You’ve also learned how to turn up the volume and occasionally screech for the pleasure of hearing yourself screech and the reaction it brings from us.
Of course you have your cranky moments, too. You get cranky when you’re tired, and you babble and cry to try and keep yourself awake. You go from zero to sixty with the cranky when you figure out that you’re hungry, leaving me at least two steps behind. You get irritated when you try to crawl forwards only to move backwards instead. Being laid down horizontally is also not something you find enjoyable…you want to sit or stand, damn it! Why can’t we just learn to change your diaper while you’re sitting or standing?! But in general, everyone is also remarking what a happy wonderful baby you are…and they’re right.
Love
Mommy
Dear Elanor
You are six months old today. One half of our first year is in the past, and you are only 6 months away from being a one year old. You’re growing so quickly that I feel as though every time I look away when I look back you’re doing something new.
During your fifth month of life you began solids at the advice of your gastroenterologist. Between 4/3 and 5/3 you tried rice cereal, carrots, sweet potatoes and peas. You like the rice cereal and carrots. You LOVE sweet potatoes. You absolutely detest the peas, to the point of taking a bit eagerly and then giving me a look of utter disgust and betrayal once you realize what I’ve given you. You then clamp you mouth shut and turn your head rather than accept another spoonful. Your sixth month will be a month of fruit, which I think you’ll like more.
You are completely transitioned to your Elecare formula, which is made of broken down amino acids with no proteins whatsoever, to help with your presumed food allergies. This week we’ll visit with your doctor again and find out what the game plan is for the rest of this year, and how we’ll introduce the potential allergens (dairy, soy, nuts, eggs) to your diet and at what age(s).
Developmentally you are doing great! You *can* roll over, but you generally prefer not to. You don’t like being horizontal…you strongly prefer sitting to laying and standing to sitting. In the last two weeks you went from sitting wobbily to sitting unassisted for minutes at a time. The next skill that you are working on (and the Early Intervention nurse says is emerging now) is that you’ll put your hand down when you start to tip over sideways and catch yourself before you tumble.
Everything goes in your mouth. Even things that there’s NO WAY are ever going to fit in there…such as your happy apple (giant apple with chimes in it)…you’re willing to give it a shot. You chew on my and your daddy’s fingers often, and we can feel the teeth that are not yet poking through, but are on the verge of it.
This month you got your exersaucer, which you would play in all day if we let you. You stand and bounce and laugh as you mouth, whack and play with all the toys. You are much less interested in your bouncy seat (I mostly use it when I take a shower as a conveinent place you’ll tolerate being long enough for me to get clean) and you have almost zero interest in your swing. It’s odd for me, because it wasn’t that long ago that the swing was the magical place that you loved being in and that soothed all the ills of your world.
Your high chair is the other big purchase of the month. While the tray is still a bit high for you, we like having you join us for meals. When I feed you, I mostly take the tray off and just have you sit in it.
You are also less tolerant of cuddling. You enjoy being held when we sleep or nap (although I don’t do it all the time…) but you will only tolerate being held for a short period of time before you want to be put down so you can play on your own. I remember when you hated to be put down, and I don’t know that I appreciated how short that period would be. I wish I had treasured it a bit more, rather than being a little aggravated when I felt like I never had a hand free.
You have gone from your snap n go stroller to your big girl stroller. Mostly because of my bad back…your weight plus the carseat is no longer easy for me to transition in and out of the car. Due to the experiences we had in Colorado (you in a cheap umbrella stroller facing away and hating every second of it) we bought a stroller where we have the option of it facing us or away, and that is light enough to spare my back agony when getting it in and out of the trunk.
A big milestone achieved in this past month is that you now sit in shopping carts (as long as they have the seat belt that can be tightened to fit your teeny size). You think sitting in a shopping cart is the coolest thing ever! You laugh, you kick your feet, you smile at us and you vocalize your pleasure. You genuinely think it is awesome. I think you like it even more than the stroller.
April was the month of your first photo shoot. I took you to a place called Portrait Simple in the mall. They got some amazing shots of you…and I now have a giant poster sized framed print collage of 7 of the best shots. You’ll probably remember seeing it over the couch as you grow up. Ironically I scheduled it for when I did because Portrait Simple had live bunnies to pose with…and the one you posed with nipped your toes and freaked you out. So much for that. We also scheduled it for when we did so that we could give your grandmothers professional pictures for their first year as grandmothers on Mother’s Day.
Daddy and I took you to the Aquarium and you met Myrtle the giant sea turtle! You also met other turtles, but what we loved best was finding Myrtle in the big tank and the few minutes the two of you spent just looking at each other. You were fascinated by her. In the gift shop, I showed you a small stuffed turtle and you went nuts for it. Now the turtle is in your crib along with Owly and you sleep with them every night.
The biggest thing to happen in the last month is our move to the new apartment the day after Easter. Daddy and I love the new apartment. It’s in downtown Waltham, within a 1/2 mile of Daddy’s work (so he can walk to work almost every day), we have a covered parking spot (no more shoveling out our cars while having you sit in the car in your carseat with the car running during the winter), an elevator (no more stairs!!!!!…those two flights of stairs were killing my back, especially as you got bigger) and the apartment is all one floor. You and I have gone for plenty of walks already, and now that the weather is getting nicer, we’ll be able to do it more frequently. You still sleep in our room, but I am getting the nursery set up. Dada came over and helped us baby proof by screwing all of the bookcases to the walls. Our friends helped us move all the little things, and then the moving company moved the rest. Your auntie DD packed us, and we stayed with Dada and Dadi the week before the move. We spent Easter weekend in a hotel, though, for some private time. There’s still a lot of unpacking to do, though. Having you around makes the process a bit slower
You spend a few hours every Friday with Dada and Dadi so I can get a break. They love having time with you. I know your Dada has taken you for a few walks and your Dadi likes to play with you. The two of you sit on the couch and play with your toys, like your teething rings, your alphabet ball and your ducky. I know you’re having a great time and so are they, so I can see a movie, get a pedicure, or whatever with no guilt.
Speaking of your grandparents, they threw you a party. All of their friends came just to meet you. A lot of these friends have known your Daddy since he was little and several had moments of awe to realize they were holding Ravi’s kid. Your Roopafoi (Aunty Roopa) gave you a silver spoon and fork from Tiffany’s that I had been eying, but Daddy hadn’t let me buy. You were so excited to meet all these new people that you stayed up WAY past your bedtime of 7ish until 10pm!
We also took you to Chocolate Madness. This is an annual event put on by Mass Naral (a pro choice group) where various restaurants in Boston donate chocolate desserts and you get to go and eat as much as you want! This was our second year going, and like last year we went with Uncle Jim. You were absolutely adorable in a red dress, and we got you a button that said “vote pro choice.” You were one of maybe 4 kids there, but we didn’t feel weird having you with us. In general your dad and I like to bring you everywhere, and would generally prefer not to go somewhere than not have you with us. We love sharing the world with you, and get a huge kick out of seeing your reactions to the world around you.
We have started swim classes on Saturday mornings. It’s a class of fifteen babies and parents. We sing songs and play games to get the babies used to the water. The baby next to you screamed through the whole first class. You, however, were fascinated by the other babies and kept sticking your tongue out (to try to taste chlorine? I have no idea). I love the water and I want you to be happy and safe there too. It’s something we can share You were startled when I accidentally got water in your face, but when everyone said “yay!” you were willing to accept that maybe it had been fun. You look adorable in your green swimsuit with butterflies on it. Your overly large (but required by pool regulations) swim cap is the most precious thing.
As with each month, your personality is growing by leaps and bounds and we are getting to know our Turtle better each day. You are fiesty. You have a temper and DO NOT like it when we are fastening you into things like car seats or strollers. You “talk” to try to keep yourself awake when you’re tired. You are SUPER social…you love meeting large groups of people and babies…in fact I think you liked seeing other babies more than you liked being in the water at swim class. You are starting to be ticklish in your armpits. You will mostly tolerate wearing hats. You love Lady, and try to pet her when she comes near you, and often she’ll tolerate it or will even rub against your hand to help you pet her!
Your daddy and I love you to pieces, Turtle. But you know that…that you reach out for us to pick you up, and look for us when we’re gone, and smile and laugh with us tells us that you know and that you love us too.
Love
Mommy
My darling Elanor
You are five months old today. 151 days on this earth.
Yesterday brought back those early days when no one was sure if you would make it this far. We were at the hospital to check in with the gastroenterology doctor when it occured to me that the PICU staff might want to see you…to see how well you’re doing; how big you are, how alert, how happy. So we went up to the PICU to say hi. We saw the doctor who was there the day you were admitted. We saw several of your nurses. The nurses were practically in tears to see you, and I was practically in tears seeing them. We got a picture of you with the doctor for your baby book…so when you’re truly ready to hear the story of those early days, I can point to him and say “this man was instrumental in saving your life.”
As someone who has suffered from depression throughout my life, even on several occasions being so depressed that I thought about taking my own life…I feel a slightly irrational desire to instill in you that you should NEVER attempt to cut your life short. You fought so hard as an infant, and so many people fought to help keep you alive. I feel, on some level…fair or not…that you owe them, and more importantly yourself. I want you to try to live a full life, to achieve all that you are capable of. Any less would be a slap in the face to the one week old who fought to keep her life going.
You are a remarkably happy baby. With the exceptions of hunger and tiredness, you rarely are missing a big grin. I love especially the smile you reserve for me. The one that shows your love and trust.
In the past month you have discovered your feet and have found them to be tasty tasty treats. I am endlessly amused by this, and enable you by constantly removing your socks when you’re indoors so that you notice them. For some odd reason, you only seem fascinated by them when they aren’t covered by socks or shoes. I’m not sure why, but since there are few things cuter than baby feet, I am content to just go with the flow and keep you barefoot in the house.
You are growing by leaps and bounds. As of this week you are 24 inches and 12 lbs 3 oz. The 24 inches in particular seems remarkable to me. I don’t know why two feet seems so much more significant than 1 foot 11 inches, but it does.
You are also a remarkably adorable baby. I will admit to doing everything I can to enhance this—I have bought a painful amount of baby clothes you will quickly outgrow simply so I can put you in matching little outfits. A pair of pink jeans with a pink hat specifically to go with a pink and white striped sweater. I try never to leave the house with you in a sleeper…I like you clothed and adorable. I can’t help it…the praise you get when I take you out dressed adorably coupled with your own bright personality is addictive. You shine when people talk to you.
Early intervention continues to be underwhelmed by you, and I in turn remain grateful for this particular status quo.
Unfortunately, Elanor, you have been diagnosed with food allergies and I, in turn, have 40 oz of breast milk I need to find a home for. I have a potential recipient lined up, and I hope that it works out. Your GI doctor says you won’t be able to have the breast milk, so I want to find a good home for it. After all, it was created out of love for you. And it deserves better than the drain or garbage pail. Since the diagnosis of milk, soy, eggs, and nuts I have stopped pumping. Your daddy and I both cried as you drank the last bottle of breast milk. I miss how breastmilk was good for so much longer than formula…I miss that it smelled better…I miss how happy you were to drink it, although you have adjusted very well to the formula.
In a week and a half we move to our new home. I can’t wait to see you there, and to create your nursery. The one in our current appartment has turned into a storage room, and I am hoping for better in the new place.
with love always
Mommy
Dear Emby
You are one month old today. I am so happy that you are finally healthy, and home.
I feel as though I can’t say much about your first month except that I have never been so scared for someone, or so uncaring about what was going on outside one room. I feel as though I’ve emerged from a cocoon, and it’s hard to believe that Christmas is only 3 weeks away.
There are other places where I have talked at length about your hospitalization. I can’t bring myself to talk about the hospitalization…it’s just too hard and too scary. Every time I think about it, I can’t help but cry because it was just so awful. I can’t express how relieved I am that you are doing a million times better.
I CAN talk about the 4 days we’ve had since you’ve been home.
You discovered your tongue and have been sticking it out at us, making us laugh in delight.
You are a cuddler. Your daddy and I love to snuggled with you, and you seem completely content to snuggled against us as you sleep.
In the last few days we’ve seen a few genuine smiles from you. I only wish I could provoke one on a regular basis, because the energy your smiles evoke in me could light up a city for a month. I could go without sleep for years if you would just keep smiling.
I have taken tons of pictures of you, and my favorite shot is one of your daddy leaning over to kiss your forehead. I also love the shot of you and your giant Winnie the Pooh.
Your great aunt is staying with us and has helped us immeasurably by staying up with you at night. You, by the way, seem to think that night is day and day is night. You cluster feed and like to stay awake all night, and are a heavy sleeper all day. It’s hard to wake you up as we are trying to fix this day/night inversion, but with no luck as of yet. As your daddy and I are big believers in sleep, that your great aunt is willing to stay up all night is a godsend.
We started you with Seventh Generation Diapers. However, you’ve had giant poops that escaped on a regular basis, so we are road testing Huggies and Pampers to see if either of those brands fit you better. You also seemed to have a diaper rash with Seventh Generation, and it cleared up after we started you on Pampers. I’m not sure if it’s a coincidence or not, but it works, so we will probably not return to 7th Generation at all.
I’ve had a few bad moments. We gave you a bath on your first night home and I just didn’t think to warm the bathroom first, so you were freezing by the end. I was in tears as I cuddled you in multiple layers of blankets, trying to warm you back up. I had never felt so stupid or incompetant. Later that night, I was changing your diaper just as you started to poop, and when it came out looking rather liquidy, I rushed to take your temperature and call the doctor as I was terrified you were coming down the GI bug that had kicked your Daddy’s and my asses earlier that week.
It’s hard to trust my own judgment at the moment, but I’m gaining a little more confidence each day, especially as more and more doctors sign off on your continuing good health.
Speaking of your health. You are on a blood pressure medicine called Labatelol. Your nephrologist is hoping to wean you over the next two weeks to two months. Until you do, you’ll have a home nurse visit our house a few times a week to check your blood pressure and your weight. You currently weigh about 7 pounds, which is up from a low of 5 pounds 14 ounces and your birth weight of 6 pounds 11 ounces.
You are eating like a horse. To the tune of out eating my breast milk production in the neighborhood of 6-7 ounces a day. I am taking Reglan to try and boost my supply, but I am definitely concerned. We will see how things pan out, but I will continue to give you breast milk and then if I need to supplement, I will try to keep things in perspective; namely that giving you formula does not negate the good done by the breast milk I am capable of making.
You are currently not breast feeding though. We have to fortify the milk you’re drinking with formula for calories to help you gain weight. As you do gain weight we’ll be able to cut out the formula and move you back (well, to…as you’ve never really been a regular breastfed baby) to the breast. Right now I can offer you the breast here and there, and you take it about half of the time. I am optimistic that we will figure things out.
You are absolutely adorable and all of us are wrapped around your little teeny fingers. You have a ton of nicknames already including Turtle (the little turtle face you make where you suck in your lower lip and your top lip points down looking like a snapping turtle’s bill), love bug, muffin, and munchkin.
I love every day with you, and every day the first thing I want to do when I get up is cuddle you and co-parent you.
Love
Mommy
