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I realize I haven’t been great about consistently blogging here. There are so many things I want to share or talk about, and often I just don’t have the energy to put my thoughts into the pretty words and sentences and OMG paragraphs, that when I sit down with my laptop, I just stare at it and rather than write my own blog, I’ll just read other people’s blogs.
This past week Elanor was diagnosed with a milk allergy. I’ve chosen to try to go dairy free so that I can continue to give her breast milk at least until 6 months of age (which is about 8 weeks from now). It was a genuinely tough decision and each day I’m dairy free I’ve found another thing I can’t have. For example French Fries–I mean WTF, who knew French Fries had dairy in them?! Even foods that are dairy free, like potato pancakes are out if they’re cooked in the same fryolater as something that contains dairy. And seriously, can we not even talk about the chocolate…yes there’s dairy free chocolate, but I can’t have Reeses Peanut Butter Cups or the molten chocolate cake that I adore. Whine whine whine.
So why bother doing it? Because I can’t give up on the hope of getting E to breast just yet. Because I know how much getting my milk as opposed to formula has helped her when she was desperately ill, and how much it has helped her recovery. Those antibodies were critical for her.
To help her get better faster, I’ve been pumping and freezing my milk for the past two days. It takes 3 days for the dairy to clear my body. She’s been doing so much better today than she has in months with her eating, which creates two separate reactions. The first is pure joy for her and pride in her eating. The second is sadness because it feels like she’s doing better on the formula than she was on my milk.
The internet is a-buzz with chatter about Salma Hayek breastfeeding a starving baby in Sierra Leone. Because she breastfed someone else’s baby. Reaction ranges from raves about what a great humanitarian Hayek is to complete and utter disgust.
I’ve undergone a lot of changes since being a mom, and I think my reaction to this story would have been different 6 months ago or a year ago than it is today.
The idea of breastfeeding someone else’s child, or more to the point someone else breastfeeding my child used to creep me out. However, circumstances being what they are, my opinion has become (to quote the friend who donates breastmilk to Elanor) “what’s a little breast milk among friends?”
I have to give props to my friend A, because the shift in opinion is all due to her. For all that I like to maintain this cynical view of the world, she has been a true friend and come through for us in need…in the most basic way possible-she helps ensure my child is being fed the best food possible and the food she likes best. I wish I could return the favor and help sustain her son in some way other than as a psuedo-auntie.
I can understand not wanting a complete stranger to breastfeed your child, but among close friends, why not? Well, unless you’re me and don’t make enough for your own kid, much less someone else’s.
Dear Elanor
You, my darling girl, are 3 whole months old.
You are growing every day and I am in awe of you. You currently weigh around 10 1/2 pounds and wear 0-3 month clothes. You smile all the time-you are a thoroughly happy and social child. You’ve started to laugh-sometimes sound comes out but often your mouth opens and no sound comes out, which I find just adorable.
You and I just finished our first mom and baby class. You were easily the most social of all the babies, which may be that you were the oldest, but you spent almost all of every class looking around and smiling. You were fascinated by the other babies, the other mommies, and the various toys and things we did in class. I enjoyed hearing the other moms and knowing that I wasn’t alone. Next week we’ll start our second round of class.
Your Daddy and you also did a class at Isis as well. He said you had a blast, and most importantly the class can be credited with giving him the confidence to take you out on his own. By the second weekend, he felt comfortable running errands after his group with you, which allowed me to have some time out with my friends. Things like movies and shopping without you–while I enjoy having you with me, there are things that are a bit more enjoyable on my own.
You continue to hate tummy time, except during mommy group when you’re too distracted to realize that you’re on your tummy.
You have begun to bat at toys and grasp them. In the last few days you’ve begun to bring them to your mouth and chew on them.
I am deeply grateful that sleeping has become less of an issue. You go down sometime around 10ish and can sleep 12 hours with only one or two feeds to top you off. The crib is still set up next to our bed, and your Daddy and I like having you in arms reach (especially me at 5 in the morning). However, you sleep best in my arms, and we often end the night cuddled together.
Breastfeeding is not happening. It’s sad and a bit discouraging, but I like that I can chart how much you eat when I like. I’m pretty nervous about your eating, especially as you lost weight over the past weekend. We have begun to add calories to your food again. I have made my peace with exclusively pumping for the first year as necessary.
I love you to pieces my darling daughter.
Mommy
People who have been reading the blog for a while know that Elanor got deathly ill when she was a week old and that we almost lost her to sepsis caused by a bacterial infection.
She’s been out of the hospital since 11/30 and has been growing, getting strong, and generally developing into a healthy and happy baby. We have been relieved to discover that thus far she has had zero hearing loss, no long term damage to her liver or heart, and seems to be hitting the developmental milestones.
However, she has had persistent hypertension, for which she has been on medication since her hospital stay. It’s been a puzzlement as to why she has persistent hypertension, as her kidney numbers (creatinine) had returned to the normal range. I mention the kidneys because infant hypertension is almost always kidney related and we had already ruled out heart damage.
This week we discovered what was going on.
One of Elanor’s kidney’s did not recover from renal failure and has stopped working…effectively dying. It has begun to shrink, which the nephrologist assures us is a good thing because once it shrinks and disappears the body will stop trying to send it blood. The surviving kidney will grow larger than usual and she should end up with approximately 70% of normal kidney function.
This is hardly the worst thing that could happen, and honestly I was waiting for the shoe to fall as her recovery had seemed too perfect, too miraculous–especially for an atheist like me.
There is almost no chance that she will need dialysis or a transplant unless the remaining kidney is damaged in some way.
To prevent damage to the remaining kidney, we will have to be cautious about what antibiotics she takes (as some affect kidney function in the short term), give her tylenol and never ibuprofen, and keep her away from high contact/impact sports like field hockey. She’ll be able to play other sports like tennis or whatever, and certain sports like soccer or basketball will require a vest to protect her kidney from damage. She may also have some trouble with taking a pregnancy to term…I believe because of blood pressure issues.
Ravi and I took the news remarkably calmly, but I think that it has a lot to do with the impact that only having one kidney will have on her life as opposed to things we’re REALLY scared of, such as impairment because of the stroke in the higher order thinking/language center of her brain. One kidney does not affect her potential for a full and rich life, excepting of course, that she will NOT be the first female player in the NFL…which we can live with.
Besides…the one lesson I will always carry with me from that horrible day when she was admitted and the doctors weren’t all that confident that she would live is that it could always be worse. We will accept the consequences of her illness and be grateful that we have a happy, social, good natured baby sleeping upstairs in her crib.
There are things I swore I’d never do before I had Elanor.
I have crossed so many of those boundaries, and eaten so much crow I almost want to go back and delete a bunch of posts…but I won’t.
Something I used to view as extreme was the idea of donor milk. I said if I had low milk supply (which sadly, I do…I make 16 oz a day and that’s with all the herbs and galactalogues and lactation cookies and voodoo dolls and such) I would just make up the difference with formula. Period.
Ahem.
So my best friend had a son two days after I had E. She has enough supply that she makes 2-4 oz extra day.
One day I began to bitch about my supply and how part of me just hates making those fucking 1/2 and 1/2 bottles because E HATES straight formula.
A offered me some of her spare milk as her son is refusing bottles and she was just stockpiling.
A is a very close friend. She was a maid of honor at my wedding. I *KNOW* her.
I don’t know that I’d take stranger’s milk, but A’s? No question.
Now Elanor recieves my milk, A’s milk, and a few times a week, a 1/2 and 1/2 bottle (which is theoretically good for her teeth because the water that I mix in has fluoride in it).
It humbles me that I have friends who are willing to give of themselves, literally, to help my daughter.
