Driving myself nuts

So there have been a lot of potential changes in our household.

1-I’ve gotten a job, in my dream district here at home, potentially through the end of the school year (june)

2-Husband has been offered a job 200 miles away in another state, starting Jan 1

3-Depending on what’s happenning with my cycle, I just might be pregnant

I don’t know what’s going on with Husband’s job. He’s trying to figure out if he’s going to take the job, causing me to move in with his parents, who live locally until the job is over. We need some answers on important questions, like how bi-state health insurance would work.

Basically we had unprotected sex for about a week after my period ended (my period lasting 7 days), which would be days 7-14. In a normal month, none of this would be an issue, as I usually have 5 or 8 week cycles, and unprotected sex for 14 days creates no danger of pregnancy. But I’ve read that your cycles can shorten to 4 weeks, and if that happens, I could easily be pregnant again.

The problem is this….

1—Husband doesn’t take the job, we toss all b/c out the window and try immediately.

2—Husband takes the job, and we need to wait for 6 months or so (unless it’s too late).

I have no idea what I’m rooting for. The job that Husband is contemplating is in NYC, which I lived in during grad school and part of me would kill to live in again. Staying here means trying RIGHT NOW, which of course I want.

So I’m worrying about pregnancy because it’s one of the few things I can control. I’m constantly evaluating if my breasts hurt, if I’m more tired than usual, etc. I can’t potentially get a reliable pregnancy test result for another 4 days, and more likely 10.

The Red River is Ebbing

My period FINALLY seems to be getting lighter.

I can only assume this is because I have no more blood left in my body.

Seriously?

I’ve seen less blood in a Quentin Tarantino flick than I have in the past 4 days.

What they don’t tell you about your first period post miscarriage

All the things my doctor forgot to tell me about this, the first post-miscarriage period

-It will be MUCH heavier than normal. In fact, you may suspect you are hemmoraghing because you’re bleeding so damn much. You may in fact, bleed through tampons so quickly that you feel compelled to wear a pad in addition to your tampon. Don’t worry, it’s normal.

-It will last MUCH longer than normal. Don’t worry it’s normal

-It will hurt MUCH more than normal. Don’t worry it’s normal.

-No, you won’t be able to predict your next period as pregnancy fucks with your hormones and your cycle may change post pregnancy, even it ends in miscarriage.

I’m so fucking over this, and we’re only on day 3.

The return of the period

I got my first period since the miscarriage today.

Let’s review my reactions…

1-Fuck. Now I remember exactly how much I hate my period.

2-owowowow. I hate cramps

3-sad–this is a shade of how I felt when I lost Hope

4-resigned–at least it’s another milestone

5-happy-now I finally have regained control over my fertility

The overall verdict–how many more days is this going last?